Beautiful Boy
by AmazingGracie1992
Summary: Something had happened in that tent. Something had happened to Harry. He wasn't sure why or how, but he longed for those days when it was just him and Hermione against the world. Somewhere along the lines Harry had done something he had never intended to do. Harry had fallen irrevocably in love with his best friend. Takes place directly after DH. Harry/Hermione
1. Chapter 1

Beautiful Boy.

Chapter 1

The boy who lived could not live with himself. He didn't know if he could. After every life that had been lost, after all the families who would never see their loved ones again, after all the destruction he had caused. Harry Potter did not know how to live with himself.

Fred, Lupin, Tonks, Sirius, Dobby, Mad Eye, Snape, Dumbledore, these were just a handful of people who had sacrificed themselves for him, sacrificed their lives all because Voldemort created a horcrux that was never intended. Harry often wondered what would have happened if he had died when Voldemort cast the curse into him that night in Godric's Hollow. Even though some were lost maybe somebody would have been able to stop Voldemort sooner.

Harry stood at the quidditch field. It was the only place he could find that seemed to hold some sort of happy memory, in truth it was the only place he could truly be alone.

The sky was a bleak gray, and the air reeked of blood and ash. The towers of the stadium were collapsed into rubble and a single goal post remained. Harry slouched, Draco's wand clutched tightly in hand. He was still on edge from the battle. Who was he kidding; he had been like this ever since Voldemort had returned in his fourth year. So now that the war was over, what was he supposed to do? It was the uncertainty that had undone him in the last few years, the fear, the stress, the unknown. So now that the war was over, there was a new uncertainty in the air. What happened next?

Taking one last look at the quidditch field he turned heading back to the castle. Breathing in the musk of the cool air he dreaded the atmosphere that awaited him in the great hall. The bodies of the deceased in columns never ending, his friends muffled cries as they grieved the loss of many. It wasn't that Harry didn't want to be there, he felt he didn't deserve to feel loss and pain. He was convinced it was his fault and not a soul could change his mind.

As his feet became heavier with each step so did his heart as panic set in about what he would be walking in on and for a split second he was eleven again walking into Hogwarts for the first time.

He had robbed so many…

Baby Teddy would never know the love and bravery that his parents possessed. Even if people told him, he would never get to experience it firsthand.

The Weasleys had lost Fred. How could he ever look at any of them again? Especially Ron, he couldn't even think about Ron.

What about the simple dentists who had their memories wiped clean of their only daughter so that she could help him in his suicide quest.

Hermione and Ron had sacrificed everything for him and in the process lost family and friends. So yes you could say Harry Potter was feeling a little guilty for the damage done.

The great hall became larger and the pit in his stomach seemed to grow even deeper. Swallowing dryly he wiped dirt and blood from his cheek a spare tear mixed in. Sighing softly he nervously walked through the doors. Immediately his heart sunk.

On the steps sat the remainder of the Order, families and friends all around hugged each other, some laughing, others crying. The Weasley clan settled around the body of Fred, silent tears caking their cheeks. Hermione was with them her arms enveloped tightly around Ron his head in the crook of her neck as he lay intimately between her legs.

A knot formed in his abdomen as Harry watched them and for a split second he wished he was the one in Ron's position. He stared at Hermione's hands, the way they gripped Ron's chest tightly, the firm grasp promising to never waver.

Hermione had never wavered. She had always been there for Harry. She never stopped believing in him, she never judged him, she had never left. She was the constant he had always had and for a boy with no parents and an absentee family a constant was hard to come by.

As Harry stared longingly at the pair, Hermione glanced up a look of relief flooding her face. She didn't move right away, but gave Harry a melancholy smile. As she continued to grasp a crying Ron she leaned down and whispered in his ear and Ron's eyes shot up to see Harry. They murmured a few phrases back and forth and Ron nodded agreeably, leaning forward to free her from his body weight. Before she stood however, she pulled him back and met his lips in an affectionate kiss.

Harry's stomach sank and he turned his head away, but he saw Hermione rise out of the corner of his eye and he could feel her gaze strong upon him. He stared strangely at the ground unsure of what to do, but he didn't have enough time to decide as a pair of pale, lanky arms encased him. It startled him and he didn't like it at first. His heart beat picked up and his right hand tightened around his wand. It was Ginny and her unfamiliar grasp gripped him too strongly. He hadn't hugged her like this since the wedding of Bill and Fleur and a lot had happened since then. He adjusted after a few more uncomfortable seconds and his cramped hands slowly came up to meet her back.

"Harry," she breathed out into his neck, "where were you? Everybody was so worried about you! Where did you go? I went looking and I thought you might have left and I just, I just… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I must sound like a bloody idiot."

Harry forced a dry chuckle and it sounded strange coming from his throat. Ginny pulled back attempting eye contact as Harry skillfully avoided it his eyes focused on the floor. She narrowed her gaze and grabbed his face raising his cheeks, forcing his green eyes to meet hers.

"Harry," she tried reassuringly, "It's going to be okay-"

"Stop," Harry spat out abruptly pushing her backwards gently.

Ginny's face fell in confusion and she stepped back pleading with him, "What did I say? Did I do something wrong?" Tears began to well up in her already bloodshot eyes and her voice cracked as she spoke. "Harry please…"

"Nothing," Harry insisted, "you didn't do anything. I just… I don't know… I can't… I just… I can't right now. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Ginny muttered standing in front of him. I know it's going to take time Harry I just wanted so badly to…"

Harry gave her a tight lipped smile and awkwardly patted her shoulder, "We will get there." He did love Ginny, he just didn't know how to love her right now, and being bombarded by people wasn't going to help him figure it out.

She gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek and he leaned in savoring the brief comfort, but it was soon gone as she mumbled something about going to check on her mother.

So there he stood again rooted to the spot as he stared at the people around him, his curious green eyes lost in a sea of suffering. His legs began to wobble and he sank clumsily to the ground.

Hermione's heart lurched as she locked eyes with the broken boy in front of her. His hands clenched and jaw line tense he looked like he was twice his age. She slowly walked towards him and fell to her knees in front of him so she was level with him. She didn't force eye contact or even speak, but instead closed her hand around his and coaxed the wand out of Harry's hand.

"No magic right now," she quietly whispered as his long fingers fell limp without purpose. "Come," she stood slowly pulling him with her, "let's take a walk."

"I don't want to walk," he murmured distantly.

"We aren't going far."

"Where then," Harry sighed.

"To the food," she pointed about 20 feet away where several pots of stew were waiting, steamy and even Harry had to admit, somewhat inviting.

"Not hungry," he stubbornly toed at the ground with his beat up trainer.

"Well you can watch me eat," she muttered back defiantly and for a second it seemed like the bossy eleven year old Harry had met so many years ago.

20 minutes later and after a dead silence Harry had begrudgingly picked at his meal taking a few bites here or there so Hermione's piercing stare would lighten.

"So," she started breaking the silence. "Did you find any peace at the quidditch field?"

"What?" Harry was startled; he didn't think anybody knew where he was.

"I went to the lake," Hermione shrugged taking a bite of stew. "It didn't do much."

"How did you know?" Harry watched her intently.

"I found comfort knowing you'd be doing the same thing I was."

They locked eyes and Harry felt a comfort he hadn't felt in months. It was as if he was back in the tent in the woods, just the two of them against the world. Like all the other good things in Harry's life the comfort lasted briefly as Ron slumped into the bench next to Hermione shakily carrying a bowl that smelled oddly of cabbage.

"Hey mate," Ron smiled weakly across the table as he put his arm around Hermione who easily leaned into his embrace causing the pang to hit Harry once again. "How are you holding up?"

"Okay," Harry answered a little too quickly, "how about you?"

Ron shrugged, "I'm in shock, can't believe he's gone…" Tears welled up in Ron's blue eyes and his pale skin seemed even lighter as he mourned the loss of his brother. Hermione grabbed at the back of his head and pulled his forehead to hers as he stifled back a sob his hands shaking.

A lump formed in Harry's throat as he nervously shifted, he felt as if he was interrupting something, not the mention the guilt that was threatening to spill over and consume him at any moment. His throat began to close and he could feel the heat radiating in his cheeks as he tried to hold himself together.

"I have to go," he rapidly stood up from the table lamely grasping at anything to flee the scene.

"Harry, wait-" Hermione called after him.

"Mate, c'mon-" Ron echoed at the same time.

Harry stumbled quickly out of the hall ignoring his friend's pleas to stay and the concerned glances that followed him as he rounded into the empty corridor. He collapsed against the stone wall his breathing erratic and shallow his eyes glassy with unshed tears. He couldn't face the destruction, the loss, the pain he had caused. He couldn't face the people let alone his closest friends. He couldn't face the press; he couldn't face any of it. He couldn't face the fact that everybody had somebody, but him. A part of him longed for those simple months in the tent as he held back tears. The boy who lived could not live with himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next few days passed in a daze for the trio. Ron was with his family for the most part. He rarely was seen away from George or his mother's side. He had grown into a fine young man and he was playing an important role in the recovery of his family. The Weasleys kept mostly to the great hall, finding comfort in those around them.

Hermione spent most of her time with Ginny or Ron and had taken a great comfort in helping the other refugees with whatever they needed. She was an irreplaceable asset and had already begun discussing plans with Professor McGonagall for rebuilding Hogwarts over the coming summer.

The few remaining members of the order were securing the travel route for the survivors. Even with the death of Voldemort, nobody wanted to run into a vengeful pack of death eaters on the journey home. Until they returned the students and families were stuck in the pile of rubble that had not so long ago been the castle.

Something beautiful had happened over the last few days though. The families had found a companionship with one another. Even though things were different and sad right now people had a chance to not live in fear and what a beautiful thing that was.

Of course Harry didn't see it that way as he stood in the astronomy tower that overlooked the school grounds and the beautiful lake that remained untouched shimmering with the setting sun. He remembered standing up here just last year with Hermione peacefully watching the sky as Ron sat a few yards away. Immersed in his thoughts he allowed the memory to take over and he closed his eyes in a trancelike state.

_"Ron's okay with it you know," Hermione turned away from the view to face Harry full on, "you and Ginny." She chuckled trying to lighten the mood. "But if I were you when he's around I'd keep the snogging to a minimum."_

_ Harry broke eye contact looking down around the grounds. "I'm not coming back Hermione," he muttered half-heartedly. "I've got to finish whatever Dumbledore started and I don't know where it will lead me, but I'll let you and Ron know where I am when I can."_

_ Hermione looked at him for a moment then turned away grasping the railing. "I've always admired your courage Harry," a smile played at her lips, "but sometimes you can be really thick." Their eyes met in a silent recognition as she continued. "You don't really think you're going to be able to find all those horcruxes by yourself do you?"_

_ His hesitation was all the answer she needed as she held his emerald eyes steady and tilted her head sideways to keep his gaze._

_ "You need us Harry."_

_ And their hands met on the railing a simple gesture that would mean so little to most people, but to Harry it meant everything. The promise of Hermione's unwavering presence conveyed with a tiny hand squeeze that had barely lasted a moment. But with her hand in his it was the most at peace he had felt in a very long time_

So now Harry stood staring out at the same scene, empty handed with no feeling of serenity whatsoever. He had showered, shaved, changed and eaten some, but he hadn't slept, not a wink in over 48 hours. He had tried of course, but the fear of what awaited him when he closed his eyes was enough to keep any wizard awake.

"Harry?" a quiet voice murmured behind him softly.

Harry turned and saw Ron standing at the edge of the stairs tentatively. "Hey," Harry responded somewhat relieved that it wasn't Ginny. He would face her sooner or later, but for now he would live in his memories until the harsh reality set in.

Ron accepted the invitation and walked over to the railing next to Harry. "I've never realized how beautiful this place was." Ron mumbled shyly.

Harry grinned slightly to himself, "Funny," he remarked, "I said the same thing to Hermione last year. I guess with all the stuff that's happened we missed a few things."

Ron shook his head, "Can't believe it's over."

"Me either."

Ron turned to face Harry, "Nobody blames you mate."

Harry shuddered at his remark.

"I'm serious," Ron continued admirably, "you are the reason we are all here, with a chance to live. It's not your fault that Fred or anybody died. It's not anybody's fault, but Voldemorts. So if you're going to hate somebody hate him, but don't punish yourself. Not now, we are all grieving Harry, so let's do it together the way we started."

Harry just stared blankly at the lake thoughts weighing heavily on his mind.

"You know you're killing Ginny," Ron continued, "She doesn't understand why you won't let us in."

At this Harry raised his head curiously.

"She understands that she will never be able to grasp what the three of us went through, it will never leave us. What Ginny doesn't understand is why you won't let me or Hermione help you."

Harry's stomach fell to his feet. Ginny was so good. So matured from the little girl he had met at platform nine and three quarters eight years ago. She didn't question selfishly why he didn't confide in her, but wondered why he wouldn't let anybody help him.

"And don't even get me started on Hermione," Ron shook his head.

"Persistent as usual?" Harry chuckled, a small smile threatening to break through as he pictured Hermione harassing Ron repeatedly.

Ron's eyes widened, "Told me if I didn't find you within the hour she was going to accio you."

At this the smile broke through, "I was unaware you could accio a person."

"Leave it to Hermione to figure it out. Bloody nightmare she is," Ron smiled fondly to himself and once again Harry felt he was intruding on a private moment.

Harry shuffled awkwardly as he tried to sort through his feelings. He and Hermione had been friends for a long time and he could remember thinking that Ron and Hermione should be together. It took seven years, but they finally were and they seemed in pure bliss with each other even with the trying times. Something had happened to Harry though in the few weeks they had spent alone in the tent. Something Harry hadn't been aware of at the time. Maybe it was codependence or familiarity, but Harry couldn't explain what it was he was feeling. All he knew was that he longed for those moments back. At the time he had yearned to be anywhere but trapped in that tent. He longed for Ginny, his friends, Hogwarts, he probably would have even settled for the Dursleys, but now that it was over why did he constantly long for those few weeks? Harry had come to the ignorant conclusion that it was because she had never left. Ron had been a huge part of the war, but somehow Hermione was just the one person who had never abandoned him. She had literally been there from beginning to end and for that Harry would be eternally grateful.

"How is Hermione doing?" Harry asked whole heartedly.

Ron shoved his hands in his corduroy pockets. "She's been a great help. I can't imagine not having her in my life. She's been great with Ginny too, distracting her, and mum as well. She's amazing that one."

Harry stared off into the distance. "She's brilliant."

"Bloody brilliant," Ron reiterated, patting Harry on the back. "Why don't you come to dinner, granted it's only cabbage and some old stew, it's better than nothing."

Harry obliged deciding to face reality for a change. The boys descended the stairs. "By the way, how did you know I was up here?" Harry pondered out loud.

"Ron clamored noisily down the winding stairs his ginger locks bobbing in front of him. "Hermione has been up here quite a bit, so I just assumed start here. She says it reminds her of simpler times."

Harry stopped for a second and his breath hitched in his throat.

"Well c'mon then," Ron murmured impatiently, "last night I got to dinner late and the food was cold tasted like rubbish!"

Dinner wasn't as difficult as Harry had thought it would be, the food wasn't marvelous, but it could've been worse. Ginny had engulfed him in a friendly hug and the pair sat with Ron, Luna, Seamus and George. The conversation was light and Harry was grateful for it.

Mrs. Weasley came in halfway through the meal and enveloped Harry in a vice grip, tears springing to her eyes as she talked about how wonderful he was. Other than that the evening was quite bearable. When Harry questioned Hermione's absence Ron answered with a mouthful saying something about McGonagall and the rest was incomprehensible. Harry had heard that she had been with Professor McGonagall often and he thought it humorous even after a war she couldn't stop working.

"Where's 'Arry?" a loud voice bellowed from the entrance hall a few hours later as Harry sat with Ron and Neville playing wizard chess.

Harry broke out the first real smile he had in days as he whipped around to see Hagrid, his oldest friend. The two sat and talked for what seemed like hours and Harry was grateful for the distraction.

"'Aven't seen 'Mione in a few days, 'ave you 'Arry?"

"No," Harry muttered a little too quickly and Hagrid's beady black eyes bore into his.

"You 'needa sleep." Hagrid spoke observing his appearance warily. Harry's hair was a mess and his face sunken. Two large bags had settled above his cheeks and even his glasses seemed to droop.

"Mmm," Harry muttered and the conversation came to a close as Harry insisted he was heading to Gryffindor tower to sleep. Of course he ended up lying in bed awake too terrified to close his eyes. He remembered the muggles called it insomnia. Aunt Petunia used to complain about it endlessly along with everything else.

Morning came and went and Harry drifted through the first few hours of the day mindlessly. It wasn't until 3pm that anything relatively interesting happened.

Everybody was summoned to the great hall and Kingsley Shacklebolt stood at the front of the room his voice projected by his wand as he spoke firmly out across the venue. Harry wasn't paying attention; his eyes were glued to the beautiful girl standing across the room. He hadn't seen her in a few days and immediately her presence calmed him. Harry didn't understand it, but he just stared as he noticed things he hadn't before. Her honey colored hair was in a simple braid down her shoulder a few loose strands framing her face. Her eyebrows were arched patiently as she listened intently and her chestnut eyes focused on Kingsley her expression relaxed. Why shouldn't Hermione be relaxed with Ron's arms protectively wrapped around her? His chin rested on her head as they observed together and Harry watched longingly from the sidelines.

Breaking his focus Harry tried to listen hard to hear was Kingsley was saying, but his mind was too clouded. He caught the tail end of it luckily. The routes had been deemed safe for apparition, floo, or portkey. This meant he would be going home, but panic rose up inside of him as he realized that he didn't have a home.

His gaze fell on Hermione again and he saw a look of despair cross her face. She didn't have a home either as her parents wouldn't even recognize her.

Even though the dark lord had been defeated Harry still felt a never ending blanket of suffering was draped over those he loved and he wondered if it would ever leave. He could deal with it, he deserved it in his mind, but he would not let those he loved suffer for his sins. So Harry wondered silently as he watched his best friends if the smartest thing for him to do would be to disappear.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

12 Grimmauld Place, that is where Harry had fully intended on going, anything to keep away from the press, anything to keep away from people in general. It was at 12 Grimmauld Place where Harry felt closest to his beloved godfather Sirius and quite possibly he thought he might be able to find a comfort in that. Like all Harry's plans things were sent awry when Molly Weasley got wind of his intentions and within the hour Harry had been whisked away to the burrow.

It was not at all what Harry had intended on happening, but here he was sitting on the stone wall overlooking the large crop of land that the Weasley household inhabited. It was dusk and the sky was a beautiful pallet of pastels. There was a time when Harry would have given an arm and a leg to be at the burrow. Now, he prayed to be anywhere else.

Awkward didn't even begin to cover it. Uncomfortable didn't seem to fit and unbearable sounded overdramatic. Harry was sleeping (if you could call it that) in a room with his best friend Ron, with his girlfriend Ginny was down the hall with Ron's girlfriend and Harry's best friend Hermione, who Harry had been avoiding at all costs because he longed to be next to her constantly if that made any sense. Up a flight of stairs was George Weasley minus Fred the twin who had passed away, for which Harry was convinced he was held responsible. When in reality he was the only person on earth holding him to that standard. And downstairs were Molly and Arthur Weasley, the kind and loving parents who had treated Harry like a son regardless of the fact that Harry had basically killed their own boy.

The burrow was far from peaceful. Harry was unable to sleep and was constantly hearing everything that happened in the cramped household. He witnessed Ron's constant night terrors, Georges crying as he awoke for find Fred's bed empty, and Arthur pleading with Molly to sleep as she wailed at the loss of her baby boy. So I guess you could call the situation unbearable for Harry.

His mind was quiet for a few minutes as he watched the sun duck behind a few branches the orange rays setting a golden fog across the land. It would be a perfect day for flying Harry thought numbly, if he only had the urge to move.

Harry ears perked up as he heard laughter and he turned his gaze to the kitchen window. The sight before him was breathtaking as the image burned into his retinas. Hermione faced the window as numerous amounts of bubbles, clearly a silly charm, popped up around her from the sink. Her golden hair shimmered with the setting sun and her eyes were bright and alive. Behind her stood Ron a goofy smile plastered on his face as they tried to pop the bubbles together chuckling as one settled on the bridge of his nose. Hermione leaned forward and popped it with her own and the two of them laughed like school children. Once again Harry was eleven again on the outside looking in through his cupboard.

"Harry?" a small voice pulled him out of his deep trance.

"Mrs. Weasley?" Harry responded hopping off the stone wall.

"Come inside for dinner dear," she murmured turning on her heal, a once feisty, insistent woman she was now weak and looked very tired. It wasn't exactly a happy week. Fred's funeral was in a few days and it was taking a toll on the family and the burrow was eerily quiet.

To make the unbearable, awkward, uncomfortable circumstances even worse Harry got a front row seat straight across the table from his best friends, while Ginny was sandwiched next to him on the right, George on his left. How he longed for Uncle Vernon to banish him to the cupboard to eat his dinner.

"Did you know," said Ron breaking the silence at the table, "that a chicken lays an egg every day?"

Stunned, the clan of wizards and witches looked at Ron like he had two heads.

Ron smiled to himself and shoved some biscuit into his mouth and continued to talk his manners impeccable as always, "did you know that the largest chicken egg was 6.3 centimeters wide and 9.2 centimeters long and weighed 201 grams?"

Ginny chimed in, "Did Hagrid tell you that?" she smiled at her brother from across the table, "my first care of magical creatures class that's all we heard about."

"Was bloody ridiculous!" George piped up, grinning toothily. "If you ask me I'd say a wizard's bound to have made an egg bigger than that."

With that the conversation was off and it was like nothing had changed. It was almost as if they were back at Hogwarts debating ridiculous antics and disagreeing over ludicrous notions. For a split second it was as if Fred had never left.

Dinner ended in normal fashion and the banter continued on as they sat there arguing over who was going to do the dishes.

"Better not let these two lovebirds do it." George glanced at Ron with a devilish grin as his cheeks matched his hair. "Ronniekins and his girlfriend might take years if they get near those bubbles again."

Ron and Hermione locked eyes and giggled guiltily at one another and Harry felt his stomach start to churn.

"I'll do the dishes," Harry sighed out for the first time all evening. If he did them without magic it would take him about 30 minutes which would be a good excuse to avoid the group.

Nobody jumped up to disagree with him and so they retreated to their respective rooms as Harry started in on the mound of plates. After a few minutes of mindless scrubbing he felt eyes on the back of his head. He prayed it wasn't Ginny and refused to look up. Curiosity got the best of him and he slyly raised his eyes to the reflection in the window. It was Hermione and his heart beat began to pick up.

Hermione leaned in the doorway behind Harry her arms crossed over her chest as she observed Harry's tense posture. The way he moved, it was as if he was in pain. Like something invisible was holding him down. She wasn't stupid, she knew he knew she was behind him, he was still just as stubborn as the day she met him.

"Can I join you?" she asked as she watched him through the glass.

Harry shrugged and slumped as he focused way too hard on the pot that was already clean in front of him. Apparently he saw a mark that nobody else could see.

So the teenagers stood washing dishes by hand, both perfectly capable of completing the task with the swish of a wand, but content with their muggle ways. It seemed normal for once and sometimes normal wasn't so bad.

"Scrubbing that pot awfully hard," Hermione sarcastically observed as she couldn't stand to watch him pick at the spotless steal any longer.

"Huh?" his head shot up, dark thoughts had been consuming him and he hadn't even realized what he was doing.

Concerned Hermione set her plate down and turned to face Harry, "Have you slept at all?"

"Yes, Hermione," Harry responded automatically.

"Because I haven't," her tone changed, "it's all too real, my dreams that is. I'm scared to close my eyes."

Harry tensed his voice sounding practical. "Well they are only dreams and you should sleep."

"Coming from the boy who hasn't so much as blinked," she scoffed, "I'm not an idiot Harry."

"I didn't say you were!" Harry shot back defensively as he dropped the pot with a clatter and spun around to grab his jacket off the chair.

"Please Harry. Don't go."

Harry stopped dead in his tracks and suddenly he was right back at Hogwarts standing on the steps as Hermione wrapped her arms around him as the pleading words 'I'll go with you' hung in the air. For there in this moment that same rawness filled his ears and her cracking voice pulled mercilessly at his heartstrings.

"I haven't slept at all," he muttered hoarsely, "not a minute."

Tentatively Hermione reached out and touched his shoulder as his breath became shallow.

"It's consuming me," he whispered so inaudibly that Hermione had to strain her ears to hear his words.

"What is?"

"Everything, all of it, I can't eat, I can't sleep, it makes me sick. Everybody is so supportive and gentle and I bloody hate it. I don't want sympathy. I don't want empathy. I don't deserve it, any of it. I want it all to stop."

"Harry-"

"I know that everybody cares and I know I'm being thick as hell, but I don't know how to act. I don't know how to hold Ginny's hand without picturing Fred cold and lifeless. I don't know how to speak to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley without hearing her screams pierce my ears at night. I can't look at George and not see Fred and I can't even think of Ron or you without picturing everything that you both gave up for me. I can't. I won't" The tears had begun to fall before Harry could stop them and he fell limply to the ground sobs wracking his withering frame.

Hermione reached out as quickly as she could. She flung her arms out to catch him in a tight embrace and the two slid to the ground Harry shaking uncontrollably. His arms latched onto her torso as If she were going to disappear, his desperation breaking Hermione's heart. His head pressed against her chest and her arms wrapped possessively around his head, his messy hair tickling her chin. She buried he lips in his hair as she silently quieted his trembling body her own salty tears streaming.

"Shhhh, it's okay." She breathed into his hair softly. "It's okay."

After a few minutes Harry pulled backward and scooted back against the kitchen cabinets pulling his knees up to his chest wrapping his arms over his head as he muffled his cries in his knees as the sobs began again coming harder and faster than ever. He tried to grasp at anything to calm him, but couldn't seem to catch a breath and water stained his jeans and t-shirt.

Hermione knelt in front of him grabbing his fingers pulling his hands down off his sweaty neck. She tilted his head up and pulled his tear stained glasses from his nose. Harry shook tears meeting his nose, his neck as he avoided eye contact with the beautiful girl in front of him. She gripped his neck with her hands and Harrys blood shot eyes met hers glowing green meeting earthy brown. Tears continued to slide down both their faces as they locked in on one another.

"It. Is. Not. Your. Fault." Hermione said pleadingly. "It. Is. Not. Your. Fault."

Harry's breathing evened and his stare didn't leave hers. He had heard these words about a hundred times, but he had never believed them. He didn't believe them now, but something in Hermione's voice told him something. She would believe for him until he was able to believe for himself. That promise of unwavering support knelt in front of him once again and Harry did something that he had never done before. He grasped it.

t here...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Harry awoke abruptly the next morning, his brow caked in a layer of sweat. He could feel dried tears on his cheeks as his heart pounded heavily in his chest. Harry had managed to sleep for about six hours, granted it was a restless slumber, but six hours was still six hours. They say that you are legally insane after being awake for 48 hours in the muggle world and if that was true than Harry had been crazy for days.

He yawned deeply and turned to look out the window, the sun was peaking over the horizon and that was excuse enough for him to wake up. He silently pulled on a pair of jeans and rustled up a grey t-shirt from his trunk. Kicking on his black trainers he left Ron's room, his best friend still snoring softly.

He briskly washed his face and brushed his teeth. He didn't' even bother combing his hair as it would never stay put and he avoided his reflection in the mirror.

He shuffled down the stairs, quiet enough so nobody would hear him, but quick enough to avoid getting held up. He happily greeted the refreshing breeze, the crickets still singing softly from the previous night. It was a rare time that Harry had stumbled upon. It was a time where the difference between dawn and twilight was undetectable and as he set out for his rock wall his mind calm, he allowed the events of the previous night to surface.

After finally surrendering to the burden of guilt he had been harboring for the past week he had lost it. Broken down, hysterically cried, erratic breathing, the whole nine yards. Hermione had been the one to pry it out of him. He didn't know how long she had sat there while he cried, but he vaguely remembered climbing the stairs sometime that evening.

"Tea?" a familiar voice startled him out of his reflections and Harry jerked his head around reaching instinctively for his wand.

"Bloody hell!" Harry took a deep breath, "Hermione what are you doing here?"

She shrugged cringing slightly, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you! Can I join you?"

Harry responded inching over a few spaces as Hermione handed him the steaming mug which he accepted gratefully. "What are you doing up so early?" Harry pressed the mug to his lips.

"I went to check on Ron and saw you were gone. So I just… I don't know... I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Harry gave a tight lipped smile. A pit settled in his stomach at the mention of Ron. He was ever grateful he had woken up in time. The last thing he wanted was to witness Hermione crawling into bed with his best friend.

"Did you sleep it all?" she tenderly turned to face him.

Harry scratched his head and yawned, "Got a few restless hours, how about you?"

"In and out all night." She remarked tiredly. She hesitated on the next question and peeked up at a curious Harry through her eyelashes. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alive," Harry chortled out bitterly avoiding her gaze.

"I meant after last night," Hermione nudged him playfully in the ribs, "any better?"

There was hope in her voice and Harry nodded a little too enthusiastically, "Loads."

"Liar," Hermione grinned at him for the first time. "Like I don't know when you're lying. You're my best friend."

Harry took a sharp breath. He had heard Hermione call him her best friend plenty of times over the years, but this time it stung and Harry couldn't pin point why. So he held his tongue and smiled awkwardly.

Hermione sighed as the sun crept its way over the horizon and the friends sat in comfortable silence.

Surprisingly Harry was the one to break the lull in conversation, "Do you know why I come out here every morning?"

"I have some ideas," Hermione said, "but specifically… no I don't know why."

"It reminds me of Sirius…" Harry reminisced sullenly. "Sometimes, not always, but sometimes I see him on the horizon. I know he's dead, but whenever I think of him I have this image of him riding Buckbeak into the sunset and for a minute I'm truly happy. It's one of the few memories that were strong enough to keep Voldemort out of my head."

Hermione listened intently her eyes radiating empathy. Ron would have flinched at the mention of Voldemort, but never Hermione. To her it was just another name.

"What was it like Harry?" she pulled at her braid nervously, "having him in your head?"

Harry sighed out a heavy breath and pondered what to say for a few moments, "It was like… like being tortured, but not in the physical sense. I couldn't escape my own mind. I wasn't able to tell the difference between reality and imagination. I didn't know how to shut him out because I couldn't tell the difference between his mind and my own."

Hermione pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them a shiver sent up her spine. "What did shut him out? That day in the ministry at the end of fifth year, I saw him enter you… I saw him in your eyes and I always wondered what shut him out."

Harry continued warily, "It's complicated. It was like a slideshow of all these horrific memories from my past. He was trying to break me. I don't know what caused them to change, but it did. The snapshots became the good things in my life. I don't really remember what they were exactly, but I remember the last one. The final thought to pull me out of my trance.

"What was it?"

Harry turned to Hermione his stare penetrating her glassy eyes. "It was your laugh."

Silent tears streamed from her eyes. She moved closer to Harry and he clasped her shoulders tightly as she leaned into the crook of his neck. It was so natural for the two of them and Harry's mind clouded with a longing desire.

"Merry Christmas Hermione," Harry chuckled out glancing down at her through his lenses.

Hermione laughed a laugh very similar to the one that he had not two seconds ago been telling her about and his heart melted. It was not too long ago that they had been standing at Godric's Hollow in the same embrace. The circumstances were certainly different, but the feelings remained the same.

"Merry Christmas Harry."

The world seemed a little simpler as they watched the sunrise. Today would be far from simple with Fred's funeral in a few hours and Harry knew that it would be an emotional roller coaster for many, but for now the two of them sat at peace, the tragedies of the world far from their mind as they allowed their embrace to play a comfort.

"Ron's going to need us today," Hermione sighed and she removed her head from Harry's shoulder. "Ginny too."

Harry nodded solemnly a bitter edge in his voice as he cursed reality for pulling him back again. "We should get back," he mumbled and he silently prayed for this day to end.

Harry stared at himself in the full length mirror in Ron's bedroom. It was half past three and the funeral was in an hour. His appearance was nothing out of the ordinary. He donned a pair of grey slacks, white dress shirt, green tie and a black V-neck sweater. He fiddled mercilessly with his tie trying to tie the knot he had never quite been able to master.

In a mere sixty minutes Harry would be burying one of his closest friends and the guilt was making him want to crawl out of his skin. He turned on his heal giving up on his tie and flattened his hair as he walked out the door.

Ginny was trying hard not to shake as she attempted to clasp her necklace for what seemed like the hundredth time. Her reflection screamed back at her and she wanted more than anything to crawl into her bed and cry.

"You look beautiful," a familiar voice said and Ginny turned her gaze to the hansom boy watching her in the mirror.

"Would you mind?" Ginny held out her pearls and Harry stepped forward clasping them on the first try.

He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around so they were face to face and kindly smiled. "Let's go," he tried his best to sound confident and collected though his insides were churning with anxiety.

They descended the stairs arms linked and Ginny turned to Harry. "You look hansom," she whispered slyly and Harry blushed slightly. Whatever they were, whatever Harry had been feeling the last few days it didn't matter today. Ginny needed him and he would do everything he could to be there for her.

The couple rounded the corner to find Ron and Hermione in a fierce embrace and Harry pushed away the pit that had seemed to permanently occupy his stomach. They broke apart at the sight of Harry and Ginny and Ron swiped away a tear.

"Hey mate," Harry murmured letting go of Ginny's arm and took a step forward and the two boys embraced tightly as Harry patted Ron on the back and felt his friend's large form shaking with grief.

The two girls hugged as well and Hermione soothingly stroked Ginny's hair.

"Ginny? Ronald?" the distant voice of Arthur Weasley called around the corner, "we need you both."

Ron nodded giving Hermione a lingering kiss on the forehead before holding out his hand for Ginny to follow.

Harry squeezed Ginny's hand gently and silently mouthed, "I'll be right behind you."

With one last parting glance from the two of them the red heads departed following Arthur a slump in their step.

Hermione stared with a longing after the two of them and she fiddled with her silver bracelet nervously. She looked absolutely breathtaking her brown eyes minimally made up and her hair held back by a black ribbon her curls falling past her shoulders.

"You clean up well Potter," she reached out to fix his tie and his breath hitched in his throat.

"You look brilliant as always Hermione," Harry swallowed taking in the black dress that hung to her knees framing her petit figure.

She looked down some pink settling in her complexion. Hermione had never been one to take a compliment. One of her hairs had escaped from her headband and Harry had to fight the urge to pin it behind her ear. So he shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his toes.

"A bunch of people from Hogwarts should be arriving soon," Hermione glanced out the window. "We should probably go outside."

"Okay," Harry sighed as he followed closely on her heal out the front steps of the burrow.

The funeral was beautiful with white wooden chairs and beautiful sets of flowers floating in the isles. You wouldn't have guessed it was a burial at all and that is exactly what Fred would've wanted.

Harry looked and saw Mrs. Weasley chatting with a kind eyed elderly woman of whom Harry was unfamiliar with. She smiled at him and Hermione and Mrs. Weasley motioned them over.

"Harry, Hermione… this is Mrs. Andromeda Tonks," Mrs. Weasley introduced the teens to the woman and Harry's heart sang with recognition. It was Tonk's mother. "And this…" Mrs. Weasley shifted so they could see the bundle in her arms "is baby Teddy."

It was Remus. That was all Harry could think as he stared down at the newborn in Mrs. Weasley's arms. A feeling of joy, pain, and utter confusion hit Harry like a ton of bricks and he struggled to stammer out a reply.

"Mr. Potter," Andromeda tentatively put her arms on Harry's shoulder, "Would you like to hold your godson?"

Harry was at a complete loss for words as he nodded slowly pushing his glasses up on his nose. Mrs. Weasley held out the infant and Harry timidly reached out for the little boy.

"That's it now," Mrs. Weasley smiled fondly at Harry, "just make sure you support his head, that's it dear."

"He's adorable," Hermione remarked as she reached out to brush a soft hand over the baby's bald head.

"He's beautiful," Harry spoke for the first time the strength in his words startling Hermione. She hadn't heard Harry this certain in a long time and she looked up at him curiously. "He's a beautiful boy."

Teddy yawned opening his eyes slightly and stretched his small fists over his head. Harry's lips spread out over his teeth and he grinned crookedly down at Teddy, his emerald eyes shining madly.

Hermione watched Harry intently. He was eleven again the innocence that had disappeared so rapidly was suddenly back and something stirred inside of her. All she knew was that she wanted to see Harry smile like that forever. In a world filled with loss, in a week spent cursing himself, on a day deemed for sorrow, something beautiful had happened. Even if it was just a newborn's yawn, that gesture put a smile on Harry's face. A smile that some thought they would never see again. That's what magic really is. For in that moment Harry understood how his mother felt on the night she had died for him. If she had loved Harry as much as Harry loved Teddy, maybe it wasn't all as dark as it seemed. Maybe somewhere there was still the hope of better days to come.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Welcome everybody," Arthur Weasley stood at the front of the crowd his wand pressed to his throat. Hundreds of people had shown up and the Weasley's front yard was packed to the brim with witches and wizards. "Today we are here to honor the life of my son, Fred Weasley."

The Weasley clan was situated in the front row and they listened carefully, a morbid intensity in their eyes.

"Today is a sad day for my family, a sad day for our friends, but a celebration of a bright young wizard's life…" Mr. Weasley continued on with determination reminiscing about childhood memories and humorous encounters. Surprisingly Harry was holding up seemingly well. He felt secure with Hermione to his left and it helped that Arthur was doing exactly what he said he would. It was indeed a celebration much unlike a funeral.

Arthur began to tear up towards the end of his eulogy and he finished admirably, "My son died in a battle, he died in a war, a war which was won. So even though I will be grieving his loss for the rest of my life, he did not die in vain." He paused, tears glistening in his eyes and he chortled out a dry cough. "I love you Fred, my boy… may you forever rest in peace. I look forward to the day I get to see your smiling face again." With his final parting words Arthur reached down and ushered Molly onto the platform.

Mrs. Weasley was a different story. Obviously not as stable as Arthur had been she started sobbing uncontrollably before she could get a word out. It took Ginny and Ron, but somehow they managed to get her back to her seat in one piece. The sight of Mrs. Weasley created a quiet unease in Harry's stomach and sweat began to stain the back of his neck.

Circumstances didn't change much when George took the podium next. His heart began to beat irregularly and he gritted his teeth anxiety thick in his bloodstream.

"Hello everybody," George began. It was as if Fred had taken the boyishness of the two of them with him when he passed. "Thank you everybody for coming. I know there have been many losses and my family greatly appreciates the support you have shown to us. It truly shows how loved Fred was. Fred was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. One of the fastest learners I have ever encountered, possibly the best beater Gryffindor had ever seen, and the funniest bloke at Hogwarts. Fred was a fierce friend, a loving and devoted son, and the best brother I have ever had…" George turned his head glancing at a picture of Fred on the table next to the coffin. "Damn you Fred," he muttered under his breath as thick tears began to stream down his face. "As you can see I'm not going to be able to keep it together for long so I'm going to make this rather brief. My youngest sister Ginny said something once a few years back and I'd like to share it with all of you."

Harry's eyes shifted to Ginny who vigorously nodded in the front row.

George cleared his throat, "The thing about growing up with Fred and George, is that you sort of start thinking anything is possible if you've got enough nerve."

As George recited Ginny's words a sob erupted from the front row as Ron fiercely gripped his sisters shaking form.

"It was Fred who had that nerve," George blinked back the tears, "anything is possible. So live your life to the fullest. It is what my brother would have wanted. I love you and miss you more and more each day Freddy. Do me a favor and raise hell wherever you are. I'll be seeing you." George finished and applause broke out among the guests a standing ovation beginning one by one. George stood proudly with tear stained cheeks. It was a beautiful ending to a beautiful life.

Harry wasn't standing. Around him his friends were clapping and chanting, but Harry sat paralyzed with grief. His hands were clammy and that feeling of serenity that only Hermione could provide had diminished long ago. He needed to leave and wished so badly he could apparate without a sound. As he helplessly looked around at everybody in the crowd something very peculiar caught his eye.

Draco Malfoy stood at the far back of the group dressed in all black his silver eyes dull beneath his pale blonde hair. He had a sickly expression plastered on his face and Harry watched him in stunned silence.

It was pure rage, the feeling that rose up in Harry. His focus switched in a split second from self-loathing to having a perfect target not twenty some feet away. It was as if he was moving in slow motion. Harry could feel everything from the drop of sweat clinging to his temple to the nickel of his belt buckle resting on his stomach. He could taste the dryness in his mouth and feel the heat like fire in his cheeks. He was fully aware of each step he took, fully aware of his fingers grasping his wand tightly and fully aware of his intention. It happened in a split second, but Harry had leapt out of his seat and has his wand pressed to Draco's throat just like he had with Dudley not three years ago.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?" Harry snarled wildly.

Malfoy shook frozen in place with fear as he tried to scramble away from Harry's grasp. "Potter, I was j-just…"

"HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOU'RE FACE HERE? YOU RIGHT FOWL GIT!"

By now the attendance had stopped clapping and had turned their attention to the confrontation taking place behind them. Ron and Hermione pushed roughly at the crowd trying to make their way to their screaming friend to see what on earth was going on.

"P-Potter, Potter please… I was j-just leaving."

Harry reamed his wand harder into Draco's throat, "YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF FILTH, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO SET FOOT ANYWHERE NEAR THIS PLACE. WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"I just wanted to pay my respects!" Draco pleaded even paler than usual.

"IT SHOULD BE YOU IN THAT BOX-"

"Harry!" Hermione pushed past a shocked Lee Jordan and Harry's eyes flickered quickly to her then back to Malfoy all sane thoughts clouded by red. "Harry he's not worth it, just let him leave!"

"NO!" Harry yelled back at her his eyes never leaving Draco's, "He deserves to be punished!"

"It is not your place to make that decision!" Hermione challenged him taking a step forward. "The Harry Potter I know would let him go." Her voice softened and Harry ripped his gaze from Draco's as his heart softened when he saw Hermione's pleading gaze boring into his soul.

Harry gritted his teeth as he turned back to Malfoy and let out a primal growl. "Don't ever come back." He warned quietly and stepped back lowering his wand. Not two seconds later the familiar crack of apparition filled the air and Draco Malfoy had disappeared.

Harry hunched blood coursing through him his breathing shallow. He slouched his shoulders and chucked his wand at where Draco had been standing a few seconds before. He turned quickly his head down and nudged his way past his friends, anger and fear and hatred clouding his rational thinking. He ignored the distant pleas from Ron and Hermione. He passed the Weasley's without acknowledgement and set out for the field ahead. He yanked his tie from his neck and ripped his sweater from his body discarding it nearby. He muttered jinxes under his breath as he broke into a sprint towards the willow tree thirty yards out. When he reached the tree he slammed his fists repeatedly into the hard bark images surging through his mind. Sirius, Snape, Remus… everybody who had died, everybody he had hurt. It was spilling over the edges now consuming him and an unbridled cry broke out of his throat as he collapsed screaming at the base of the tree. His hands shook a flow of red blood coating the grass beneath him and his sobbing began even more erratic than it had the night before. This time there was nobody there to hear him scream, no chest for him to cry into and no arms to comfort him. That silver lining of hope that he had felt merely hours ago had suddenly vanished quicker than an apparating Malfoy.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

There was a ghost haunting the burrow. A distant trace of a seventeen year old boy once known as Harry Potter. He walked the property a semblance of what once was. This particular ghost wasn't evil, he wasn't scary. No this ghost was broken, but he wasn't really a ghost. He was still human, still breathing and much to his dismay still living.

It was past 2am and a cloudy night, not a single star could be seen in the sky. Harry hadn't left the comfort of the willow for hours. The shame and rage he had felt dissolved into exhaustion and he shivered as the wind blew behind him his thin dress shirt shielding next to nothing. He sat on his back against the tree his arms resting on his knees feet sprawled out in front of him. He sighed deeply and pulled his legs to his chest and buried his head in his hands as he let the night air consume him as the trembling began again.

"Ron we have to do something!" Hermione shouted for the hundredth time as she paced anxiously back in forth

Ron leaned his head against his bed frame and pulled at his hair in frustration. "And what do you suppose that is?"

Hermione whirled around and continued to rant, "I don't know, but we have to do something! How are you so cavalier about this?"

Ron glared at her, hurt evident on his face, "When did I ever say I didn't care?"

"I didn't say that!" Hermione snapped back, "but you seem totally okay with the fact that your best friend is missing!"

"He's not missing!" Ron raised his voice for the first time, "and when did I say I was okay with it! He's at the bloody tree!"

"What tree?"

"The willow tree!"

"In the yard?"

"What other bloody tree!" Ron spat out in exasperation.

"And you're telling me this now!" Hermione stared at her boyfriend menacingly tears forming in her eyes. "Why are we sitting here Ronald? We should be helping Harry-"

"I don't know how to help him!" Ron's voice broke as he continued, "It's like talking to a wall! I've never seen anybody so gone! So don't accuse me of not caring! If anything I care too much!"

"Ron I…" Hermione's face fell.

"Let me finish! It bloody kills me to see him like this, but I haven't the slightest clue as how to help him!"

Hermione took slow steps forward and sank onto the bed next to his exasperated figure. "I'm sorry," she mumbled softly burying her head in his shoulder. "I just don't know how to help him either. I just wish he would let us in."

"Me too." Ron swallowed dryly taking in the sweet smell of Hermione's hair. "I'd say let him come to us, as hard as it is he always seems so tense when anybody offers him some sort of comfort."

Hermione nodded slowly into Ron's chest. She hadn't told him about the night in the kitchen when Harry had broken down in her arms. She didn't want to explain it and worry Ron further about his best friend. She also wanted to keep the moment a secret as it seems words couldn't do it justice in her mind.

She pulled her chin up and stared into Ron's kind boyish eyes. He had grown up so much in the last year. From somebody who had once had the "emotional range of a tea spoon" into one of the most selfless, loving people she had ever met. She smiled at him and he reached up wiping a tear from her cheek. She leaned into his touch and Ron leaned forward meeting her lips in a deep and tender kiss.

Harry had given up the prospect of dozing off outside and with a great difficulty he pulled himself up clinging to the base of the tree. He shuddered, his legs like molasses as he began the trek back to the burrow. It seemed like hours when in reality it was minutes. He sloppily kicked off his dress shoes at the front door and picked them up as he headed inside. He closed the door with a creak and silently made his way up to the bathroom.

The reflection that stared back at Harry was hardly recognizable. His hair was matted and dirt caked his face. His shirt was stained with blood and sweat, and his tie hung loosely around his collar. It was his eyes that were most unfamiliar. They were bloodshot and deep bags had settled beneath them, his skin gaunt and lifeless.

He slowly undressed having minimal use of his swollen hands. He stepped into the hot stream of water and stood there for several minutes relishing the feel against his chest and back. Eventually he toweled off and silently made his way to Ron's room.

He nudged the door open as slowly and discretely as possible. Sliding through the frame he fumbled around and found a pair of sweats. He pulled them on and dropped his towel not concerned where it would end up. He crawled peacefully onto his mattress and nearly moaned when his face found the pillow.

He lay awake staring into nothing his steady breathing rising and falling with his chest.

"Harry?" a shy voice remarked from a few feet away and his heart nearly pounded out of his chest. It wasn't Ron.

"Hermione?" Harry responded faintly, "what are you doing here?" He was about to question further, but the conclusion hit him hard and his eyes burned. "Sorry. I didn't realize that you were… I can go into Ginny's room…" he remarked sounding a little more defeated than he meant.

"No, no," Hermione whispered quickly. "I mean we were just sleeping." He could feel her blush from across the room. "Please stay." Hermione pleaded softly.

Harry melted at the sound of her voice asking him to stay as he always did and he turned his head to the side away from her voice. "Why?" he asked accusingly.

"So I know you are safe," she gently responded.

A single tear slid down his cheek and he let it fall into the soft cotton of his pillow case. Just for a moment it was the two of them alone in the tent again. Harry lying above Hermione in the bunk as he listened to her breathing late into the night. Reality hit him as it always did though as Ron let out muted grunt. In reality it had never been the two of them. In reality Harry was lying in a cot while his two best friends were in a bed together. Reality was Hermione and Ron were falling in love while Harry watched from the sidelines. That night a harsh truth set in for Harry. He had known it for a while now, but didn't dare admit it to anybody, but himself. At some point in time Harry Potter had fallen dangerously in love with Hermione Granger.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_"You will lose everything," the snake like voice hissed at Harry as long fingers coiled around his neck. His other finger pressed into Harry's scar as searing pains jolted through his veins and slowly the life started to leave him._

Harry jolted awake in bed his arms flailing as he gasped for air his green eyes full of fear. He was grateful when he realized his surroundings the familiarity of Ron's room a strange comfort to him. As he caught his breath he turned to his right and was met with a pair of concerned hazel eyes.

Harry glanced away uncomfortably and searched for his glasses.

"Here," Hermione whispered passing Harry the glasses from Ron's bedside table. "I took them off of you last night."

"Thanks," Harry murmured placing them on the bridge of his nose. He looked up vision now clear and noticed that Ron was still fast asleep.

Hermione pressed a finger to her lips and pointed to the door. Harry emerged from the room as quietly as possible and made his way down the stairs towards the kitchen pulling on a white t-shirt. He went to grab his wand from his pocket to start the tea, but found himself empty handed. Then he remembered the night before. He glanced down at his hands and cringed. His knuckles were scabbed over and large purplish bruises had settled beneath them. He heard Hermione padding down the stairs and crammed his fingers into his pockets.

"Harry I almost forgot," she yawned coming around the corner, "I have your wand." She held it out for him to take.

"Just put it on the table," Harry muttered turning around trying his hardest to look cheerful, what was meant to be a smile came across as more of a grimace.

"Okay…" Hermione set his wand down on the table and ran a hand through her curls observing Harry curiously. "How are you?" she asked.

Harry leaned against the kitchen sink his knuckles throbbing in his pockets. He shrugged sadly and bowed his head.

Hermione sighed at his lack of communication and began fiddling with the Weasley's kettle. It would begin singing whenever it pleased and not when the water was hot. Its last number had woken the entire house up at 5am and it hadn't been a pleasant experience for many.

"Auguamenti," Hermione pointed at the kettle with her own wand as it filled up with water. "Harry grab me some mugs."

"Can't you just summon them?" Harry asked sheepishly. He knew he sounded like bloody git, but he couldn't let Hermione see his hands.

She shot him a devious look and Harry looked at the ground stupidly.

"Accio mugs," she remarked sharply and Harry's face began to burn. He huffed and sat awkwardly at the kitchen table his hands still crammed in his pockets.

"Want me to pour it for you as well?" Hermione held out the kettle which was humming a common tune.

"Please." Harry shamefully looked up at her.

Hermione's eyes flickered over Harry and settled on his torso. Her expression changed and her eyes narrowed. She set the kettle down and knelt down in front of Harry forcing their eyes to meet. "Harry, let me see your hands."

"Hermione-"

"Harry," she said more forcefully, "let me see your hands."

Harry blinked cautiously and slowly pulled his swollen fingers form his sweats bracing himself for Hermione's reaction.

A small whimper escaped her mouth and she gently reached for his left hand. She palmed through his fingers her touch tender and electric as she sadly stared down at his gashes. Slowly she worked her fingers up to the faded outline of the words "I must not tell lies". She ran her pointer over the words and gazed at Harry softly.

Harry bore his eyes into hers and he longingly wished she understood what he was feeling. If only she could penetrate his mind without getting her hands on the minor detail of him being in love with her. That would make for an interesting dinner table conversation.

"Can I?" she asked slowly pointing her wand at his hands.

Harry nodded gruesomely.

"Episkey," she muttered softly and a blue light shot out of her wand and Harry's cuts dissolved into nothing.

"Thanks," Harry murmured lamely as he shoved his fists back into his pockets. The skin to skin contact was killing him.

Hermione was about to continue when a blood curdling scream erupted from upstairs. The pair jumped up and sprinted towards Ron's room. They flung the door open to find Ron thrashing madly with his sheets scattered around the room. Hermione bounded forward shaking him pleading him to wake up. Harry stood helplessly in the doorway unsure of what to do and a panicked Mrs. Weasley brushed past him.

"Ronald!" she panted, "Ronald, it's just a dream, Ronald!"

Harry watched as the two women frantically tried to coax him out of his slumber. A bottle at the foot of Ron's bed caught his eye.

"Accio vial!" Harry said as the flask flew into his hand. He quickly uncorked it and sniffed it tentatively. It was sleeping drought, just as he suspected.

He quickly pointed his wand at Ron and forcefully yelled. "Rennervate!"

Ron's eyes opened immediately sweat dripping from his forehead. He glanced around startled to see both his girlfriend and his mother tears stinging in their eyes.

"What happened?" he asked incredulously.

"You took too much sleeping drought," Harry replied lowering his wand, "if you take too much the effect is opposite. Instead of a dreamless sleep you have vivid nightmares and you don't wake up."

Mrs. Weasley scolded him repeatedly her tone a notch short of the howler that he received in his 2nd year at Hogwarts.

"I'm sorry," Ron muttered, "I just wanted to sleep without… well you know," Ron discouragingly looked around at the three of them stopping on Hermione and Harry looked away as they longingly gazed at each other through their tears. Unnoticed by all he slipped out of the room and crept back downstairs.

"Hello Harry," a melancholy voice greeted him as he rounded the corner.

"Ginny!" Harry jumped back, "What are you doing here?"

She sipped at her mug and raised her eyebrows. This was technically her kitchen.

"Sorry," he pulled out the chair next to her, "you just startled me. How are you?"

"I should be asking you that," she mumbled her eyes a piercing blue.

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "I'm…" he hesitated to say the right words. "I don't know. I'm not okay."

Ginny looked surprised, "None of us are Harry. Did you just hear my brother? You can't honestly think he was thick enough to not know the effects of a sleeping drought? We are all struggling Harry."

This caught Harry off guard and he waited silently for her to continue.

"You've lost weight," Ginny observed him from behind jaded eyes.

"Thanks for noticing," his attempt at humor failed miserably as she stared right through him.

Harry sighed and got up to leave, but decided against it and turned around to face her, "Why do I get the feeling that you're mad at me?"

"I'm not mad," she muttered indifferently.

"Well what are you?"

Ginny glared at him, "You really don't know?"

"Know what?" Harry asked wide eyed.

"You broke your promise!" Ginny spat out at him. "You told me you were going to be there yesterday, right behind me! Remember? I turned around and you weren't there! Instead you had your wand pressed to Malfoy's throat!"

Harry shook at the mention of Draco's name. "What do you want from me?" he yelled back accusation and fear evident in his tone.

"You!" Ginny begged taking his hands as she stood inches from him. "I just want you."

Harry cringed and watched the frail girl. Just last year he would've sworn he'd marry her. "I need time Ginny." Harry pulled his fingers from hers and her face fell. "I need time because obviously I can't be there right now. I need to take a step back. We need to take a step back."

Tears swelled in her eyes. "I'll wait," she choked out, "I'll wait as long as you want, just please don't shut out the people that love you Harry. There the only chance any of us has."

"You know I do…"

"I know," Ginny cried softly, "I do too."

Harry did love her, but just he wasn't lying, he needed time. And it wasn't fair of him to keep her waiting.

Ginny wiped at her face furiously as they heard footsteps on the stairs and a pale Ron and worried looking Hermione rounded the corner.

"Sorry," Ron looked awkwardly from Ginny to Harry, "did we interrupt something?"

"No," Ginny said warily, "We're finished."

Harry's heart gave a sharp pang of guilt and he fought back tears. Ron let go of Hermione's hand and strode past him enveloping his sister in a vice grip of a hug and she softly cried into his shoulder. Ron turned a strange expression on his face and he watched Harry suspiciously through cold blue eyes.

Harry gulped nervously and turned slowly on his heal his eyes glued to the ground. He started towards the stairs, but stopped when he reached Hermione who stood at the base where Ron had been moments before. He raised his head and couldn't read her expression as she gazed at him, her eyes uncertain. "I'm so sorry." Harry stammered out lowering his head again, his eyes a stormy grey. "I'm so sorry."

Hermione's gaze softened as it had this morning and she reached out to brush his hair from his forehead, the moment suspended in time as the two teens stared at each other. "Harry," she whispered firmly her voice full of promise, "when are you going to get it into your head that this is not your fault."

Harry watched her wanting so badly to give her the answer she wanted to hear. "I don't know," he murmured so only she could hear and he bowed his head again and began to climb the stairs.

Hermione turned around and watched him brokenly take each step and she remembered how only yesterday he was smiling madly holding the newborn baby in his arms. She sighed after him unsure of what to say or do. Harry Potter was a shell of the person she had met seven years ago and as hard as she fought she couldn't figure out how to get him back. She thought of that night in the tent when she was consumed by her own misery. Listening sadly too the radio as he watched her patiently. He didn't take no for an answer when she had visually pleaded with him to leave her alone and the two had shared a few precious minutes dancing like fools. Where was that Harry? The one who promised hope even in the darkest of times. She turned back to Ron and Ginny who were speaking in hushed whispers.

The three teens looked at each other in a stunned silence unsure of what to say or do. They didn't have much time to think as a crack filled their ears from up the stairs.

"Harry!" Hermione let out a cry and she took the stairs two at a time with Ron and Ginny right behind her. She rounded the corner to find Ron's room empty and a pit formed in her stomach. She stepped forward and picked up a scrap of parchment that lay neatly on Harry's pillow.

_I'm so sorry. You deserve better._

That's all it said and Hermione held out the note for Ron and Ginny as she stumbled backwards on to Ron's bed. And the stunned silence continued as they all wondered helplessly where Harry Potter had gone.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days, and days to weeks as time passed. There was a quiet abnormality to the Burrow these days, but it wasn't a bad thing. People were healing and learning to live again.

Molly and Arthur had been spending the days together reminiscing about their lives, their sons and daughter, and mostly talking about Fred. Some days were rough, others were bearable, but they were managing to heal one breath at a time.

Percy Weasley had jumped back into work as had Charlie, while Bill and Fleur spent time together. Time they hadn't had after their wedding and last heard they were traveling somewhere in Australia taking a much needed break from the wizarding world.

George was constantly in his room concocting up new inventions, toys and all sorts of things for Weasley's Wizard Wheezes would soon be up and thriving again. It was also where he felt closest to his late brother and sometimes he could even be heard murmuring to Fred.

Ginny spent most of her time with Ron and Hermione, but had recently been reconnecting with some of her friends from Hogwarts and Luna and Neville had popped up at the burrow on more than one occasion.

Ron had obviously been spending a great deal of time with Hermione and he was enjoying his girlfriend and family. For the first time in a long time things seemed normal, but a void was still present from not only the loss of his brother, but the disappearance of his best friend.

Hermione was a little bit different. She couldn't seem to shake worry from her mind and was constantly looking over her shoulder hoping to see Harry Potter come around the corner. She spent her nights with Ron and was happy for his boyish distractions. From his rants about quidditch to hers about spell books the two had come together and found a happy medium with each other. She was up every morning for the sunrise and outdoors every night at sunset sitting on the rock wall that Harry had grown so accustomed to. Hermione thought maybe if she sat there long enough he would come swooping down on Buckbeak and all would be right in the world. It was a childish desire, but understandable all the same.

The Forest of Dean was quiet as dusk crept over the corners of the parting day. The golden rays of sun fell through the branches softly framing the river where Harry Potter sat, his bare feet dangling in the soft flow of water. It was absolutely beautiful, the sun, the leaves, the trees and the last time Harry had been here was in the dead of winter during a dark time.

Harry yawned silently and scratched at his chin which was now thick with scruff from the passing weeks. He splashed some water on his face the cold bite just enough to wake him up and he headed back to his campsite. He wiped the remains of the water on his black t-shirt and plopped down beneath a tree rolling his jeans down to his ankles. He sighed as he looked up remembering the last time he had been here with Hermione.

_"Maybe we should just stay here Harry… grow old."_

The words cut at him hard and he rubbed his temples in protest. Why hadn't he just said yes? Yes Hermione, let's stay here and grow old. Sometimes he wished he was selfish enough to take what he wanted, but shuddered as Ron's smiling face popped into his head.

He hadn't intended on staying here as long as he had. When he apparated out of Ron's room the only thing he was thinking of was a few peaceful moments away from the world. He didn't actually realize he would like it so much, let alone stay a month. But he did like it, it was tranquil and his mind was at ease here. The only downside was that this place screamed Hermione and he didn't know how much more of it his heart could take. Every which way he turned he saw her. He saw her sitting beneath the oak tree reading, gathering water from the stream, hunched over the table in the tent researching away into the wee hours of the morning. She was inescapable.

The sound of a hoot drew him out of his thoughts and he hopped up as a grey owl soared down from a nearby branch a parchment attached to his talon. Harry held out his arm and the owl perched happily and nuzzled his cheek.

"What're you doing here?" Harry mumbled as he unclasped the letter from his claw and shoved it in his back pocket while he rummaged around for some spare food. He unrolled the paper and perched back under his tree, the words readable by the light of the setting sun.

_To Mr. Harry James Potter,_

_ You are cordially invited to the Rebirth of the Phoenix masquerade ball on Saturday, June 18__th__ beginning sharply at 8pm at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in celebration of those lives lost. Dress code is formal wear and if you do attend we ask that you please wear a disguise as this is a masquerade ball. Please RSVP immediately. We look forward to seeing you on the 18__th__ of June. _

_Most fondly yours,_

_Headmaster Minerva McGonagall_

Harry inwardly cringed. June 18th was the death date of his beloved godfather Sirius Black. He couldn't imagine a worse way to spend it. He was about to toss the parchment into the fire pit and send the owl on her way, but he stopped at the last minute reading the letter once again. A masquerade ball… if anything he would be able to see Hermione and nobody would technically know he was there. With the way he had been acting he wouldn't be expected to go. He would be fine as long as he could see her for a few minutes. He had been craving it for days and was surprised he hadn't apparated back to the burrow for a late night visit.

He scratched at the nape of his neck uncertainly and grabbed a piece of coal off the ground.

_Yes._

He folded the parchment quickly and summoned the owl down from the perch she had settled on. "You know where to go," Harry told her gently and patted her head. With a quick nip at his finger the owl was off flying higher and higher off into sky as Harry watched from below.

"A ball…" Ron mumbled sullenly as he sat at the breakfast table on Sunday morning holding the invitation morbidly as if it were to bite him. His memories from the last ball weren't exactly fond. He watched Hermione dance away into the night with Viktor Krum and had to wear the most repugnant dress robes he had ever seen.

"Ronald Weasley," Molly scolded grabbing the letter out of his hand and reading it over, "I think it's a wonderful idea. It says here the whole family is invited. I bet you half of the wizard world will be there!"

Hermione started to giggle as she held a hand over her mouth trying not to spit water across the table.

"What's so funny then?" Ron huffed out crossing his arms over his chest.

"I was just wondering…" she continued to laugh close to hysterics, "If I should match my dress to your dress robes from fourth year."

The table erupted with laughter and even Ron started to chuckle as he put his head onto the table. Ginny couldn't stand as she hunched over the counter shaking she was laughing so hard. It was the moments like these that kept them all going and even Mrs. Weasley was chuckling as she poured herself a cup of tea.

"Come on then." Hermione excused herself motioning for Ron to follow her. "I have something to show you."

They climbed the stairs toward Ginny's room and Hermione spun around playfully at the last minute with her back to the door. "Now," she smiled cheekily, "before you even enter you might want to thank me."

"Oh is that right," Ron grinned like a schoolboy and reached for the door as Hermione stepped aside. He stopped abruptly when he saw what lay on Hermione's bed. It was a brand new hansom pair of navy dress robes. They were simple, but elegant with a matching vest and tie over a crisp white tuxedo shirt and a new pair of brown shoes lay at the foot of the bed. "Hermione…" Ron started at a loss for words.

"Now I know you have other ones…" Hermione responded nervously, but Ron cut her off.

"Nobody's ever done anything like this for me…" Ron grinned incredulously.

"So you like them?" she smiled uneasily.

"I love them." Ron smiled down at her as he brushed a strand of hair gently from her face. "I only have one question…"

"What's that?"

He smiled a devilish boyish smile, "When do I get to see what you're wearing?"

She playfully slapped at his chest and he grabbed her around the waist spinning her around happily. "So when is this silly ball," Hermione asked between laughs.

Ron shrugged setting her down. "I think it said June 18th."

Hermione's face changed, her smile disappearing instantaneously.

"What's wrong?" Ron wrapped his arm around her shoulders looking down into her eyes.

"That's Sirius's two year anniversary," she whispered sadly, "you don't think Harry will go do you?"

Ron's face fell and he stepped backwards onto Hermione's bed sighing deeply, "I hope so. What a better way to spend the day than with friends and family?"

"Yah, but Harry doesn't look at it that way." Hermione fell next to him resting her head on his shoulder.

Ron was at a loss for words as he stared at the ceiling. He wished that Harry would just come home and open up to the love that awaited him. There would be no judgment or scolding. He had a mother in Molly, a father in Arthur, a brother in Ron, a sister in Hermione and a girlfriend in Ginny. What more could he want?

Hermione breathed against Ron's sweater and turned her head to the right staring at the picture of her, Ron and Harry on her nightstand. They were eleven in their first year at Hogwarts. Ron had his arm around her shoulder smiling madly at the camera a bit of dirt on his nose as it always seemed to be that year. Hermione, in the middle, turned her head left and right smiling back and forth at the two boys and at one point reached up to wipe the smudge off Ron's nose and he glared at her out of the corner of his eye. And then there was Harry. He seemed to be laughing, his boyish face round and untouched. He had one dimple on his right cheek and Hermione couldn't remember the last time she saw it. His emerald eyes were shining brightly through his glasses which were crooked on his nose, but to Hermione he looked perfect. He was young, bright, and untouched just an eleven year old boy who found out he was a wizard only some months prior. He had never asked for any of the responsibilities and duties that were put on his shoulders, but he had never complained either and that was the kind of courage that blew Hermione away on a daily basis.

"I miss him Ron." Hermione sighed into Ron's chest her voice cracking faintly.

"I know," Ron murmured out in response, "I miss him too."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

He wasn't ready for this. That's all that Harry could think as he stood in his bedroom of 12 Grimmauld Place. He nervously scratched his neck as he always did and shook his hair vigorously, water cascading off of it. He had just gotten out of the shower and was stalling as much as he could with getting ready. It was June 18th and he hadn't realized how difficult this was going to be. Not to mention how uncomfortable he was in this house.

He glanced up at the grandfather clock in the far corner of the room. It was quarter after seven and he sighed and made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. His eyes met his reflection and even he was astonished at how different he looked since leaving the burrow. His face was fuller, his skin wasn't sallow and sunken and his eyes seemed clearer. He had kept his beard for the soul purpose of keeping his identity a secret and his hair was still unruly hanging just above his eyes shielding his scar.

After he had sent the letter back

Harry had been surprised when he stumbled into the house a few hours before and found his dress robes lying across his old bed. They were quite nice, really nice actually. Harry had been convinced that Kreacher would have gotten him some of the most ridiculous looking ones he could find and he smiled to himself as he pictured wearing Ron's from fourth year.

He slowly dressed taking as much time as possible. Kreacher had gotten fitted black pants, a crisp black button up shirt, black leather belt with a silver buckle a black tie, black vest, a black jacket, and shiny black shoes to complete his attire. Even Harry had to chuckle and he rolled his eyes as he stared at himself in the mirror. Kreacher was and had always been subtle, but even Harry had to applaud him for this. He had made sure that Harry was in all black, on June 18th, the two year anniversary of his godfather's passing. What a git, Harry thought and he shook his head. He descended the stairs and grabbed the most important part of his disguise, a simple black mask that covered his eyes and top half of his nose. Harry mustered up a breath as he prepared to apparate to Hogsmeade, praying that he would go unrecognized.

Hogwarts had been transformed, or rather restored. The great hall seemed even bigger than before. The ceiling stars shone clearly not a cloud in sight, there were candles floating periodically throughout the hall, buffets that seemed to be overflowing with food, and a crowded dance floor that roared with laughter. The pictures were talking excitedly amongst themselves even the Bloody Baron seemed a little less menacing tonight.

Harry had apparated to Honeydukes and taken the secret passageway coming out of the one eyed witch statue. His stomach knotted as he passed his old Defense against the Dark Arts classroom and images of Lupin clouded his vision. Shaking off his grief he sauntered forward his head bowed eyes curiously scanning the hallways looking for his purpose, Hermione.

He reached the great hall some odd minutes later and was alarmed at how many people were there. He stopped a little overwhelmed at first, but realized luckily that with the mask and his beard he had a high chance of going unrecognized. His eyes scanned the hall cautiously. You would have to be an idiot not to recognize the Weasley family. There flaming red hair was enough of a tip off for just about anybody, even Neville would be able to figure it out. He scanned over George talking animatedly with some friends from Hogwarts, and he watched as Molly and Arthur shared a lively two step on the dance floor. Charlie and Percy seemed to be in a deep discussion with some colleagues and Bill and Fleur, with her silver hair swaying gracefully in a high ponytail, were sweeping across the dance floor trumping everybody in their wake. Harry's eyes flickered over to Ginny who stood with some of her girlfriends by the buffet with a ghost of a smile on her face and his stomach churned with guilt. She looked pretty, in a light blue dress that shimmered when she moved, her mask matching with silver lining.

He pawed at his neck gulping back the ball that formed in his throat and averted his eyes to the open bar. He recognized Madam Rosmerta and stifled a chuckle at Ron's childhood crush. Her flaming hair hung in ringlets around her eyes and she laughed loudly as a grey haired man made a pass at her from the sidelines.

Harry walked towards the bar his head still down, eyes square with the floor as he made sure to keep a low profile drawing as little attention to himself as he possibly could.

"What can I get for you dear?" Madam Rosmerta beamed at him from behind the makeshift counter.

"Fire Whiskey," Harry said gruffly trying to stifle his voice as much as possible.

"Ah one of them are we?" she continued eyeing Harry suspiciously, "drowning our sorrows tonight?"

Harry kept his head bowed as she handed him the glass and he took a sip snarling slightly as it burned his throat, but he felt relieved as the liquid seared his throat.

"Not much of a talker?" Rosmerta continued crossing her arms over her chest.

Harry shrugged and turned his back to the counter staring out at the sea of people, laughing, cheering, and dancing. He had never felt so much on the outside as he rolled the drink in his fingers and he pressed the glass to his lips again drowning the harsh liquid in one gulp.

"Another," he mumbled, setting the glass down on the bar top.

"Yes sir," Rosmerta obliged judgment sound on her face.

That was when Harry saw her. His breath caught in his lungs and time that had passed so quickly in the past month seemed to stand still. She was beautiful thought Harry, no breathtaking. Hermione stood across the room no doubt laughing with Ron, but Harry didn't even see him. She wore a gold strapless gown and her hair fell in waves cascading past her shoulders down her back, Harry hadn't even realized how long it had gotten in the last few months. Her skin was a beautiful shade of bronze and her eyes shined brightly through her matching gold mask, flaked with glitter. Her smile was infectious and even Harry had to admit he hadn't felt this happy in months, just watching her. Hermione was like nothing he had ever seen before, she was absolutely radiant, like the sun, but unlike the sun she never set.

"So," Rosmerta smiled slyly her eyes changing from Harry to Hermione, "is this why we're drinking tonight?"

"Huh?" Harry turned meeting her eyes for the first time, her voice breaking his trance.

"The girl," she nodded towards Hermione and Harry's eyes flickered back to her.

"What girl?" Harry played stupid looking down at the ground again taking a long sip of his glass blinking back the fire.

"The one you've been drooling over for the last 30 seconds."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Harry said avoiding eyes.

"Better that way," Rosmerta rolled her eyes staring at the girl that this strange young man couldn't keep his eyes off of, "she's been with that bloke all night. Seems a little bit goofy to me, but they seem to be having a bloody good time over there, haven't stopped smiling."

Reality hit Harry hard in the chest as his vision of Hermione changed to one including Ron. He looked hansom in his dark blue suit, his hair was combed to the side and he wore a simple navy mask much like Harry's. Rosmerta was right, they did look happy, they looked eighteen and in love. Harry cringed as Ron leaned down and captured Hermione in a passionate kiss which she gladly returned wrapping her arms around his neck clearly smiling against his lips. He averted his eyes down and turned around slamming the liquid down his throat shaking his head as the whiskey burned his cheeks.

Rosmerta smiled sadly, "Don't worry fella, the next ones on the house."

"Thanks," Harry murmured dryly and combed his fingers through his hair rubbing his temples deeply. This was a mistake he thought to himself. He shouldn't have come here. He wasn't sure what he expected to see tonight, but he didn't think it would sting as much as it was and the pain in his chest felt like a dagger.

"Blimey!" Madam Rosmerta had been watching the strange man closely and something caught her eye as he ruffled his hair in frustration. She saw a peculiar looking scar on the top of his head and suddenly everything clicked. "You're Harry Potter!"

Harry's heart nearly pounded out of his chest and time seemed to speed up. Heads snapped around nearby and Harry nervously looked left and right unsure of how to approach the stares that flew his way. Of course this would happen he thought to himself as he tried to escape the lingering glances and mumbling. He looked up and he was caught  
off guard as a pair of brown eyes bore into him from across the room.

Hermione wasn't sure if she had heard correctly, but the words, "You're Harry Potter," were not something that would go unnoticed. She whipped her head around at the mention and immediately saw him. He looked different, but she would recognize him anywhere even with a scruffy beard and mask. Her heart filled immediately with something she couldn't explain, relief most likely, she thought to herself as she couldn't lift her eyes from him. He looked nervous and uncomfortable, clearly he hadn't wanted to be discovered and her heart gave a pang at the thought. He raised his eyes up and her breath caught as his bright emerald eyes found hers.

Time slowed down again and the two teens watched each other. Hermione stood breathing heavily, her lips parted slightly unsure of what to do or say. She hadn't known when she was going to see Harry again and him being here tonight was so unexpected that she was afraid to move, afraid that he would disappear in a flash just like he had six weeks prior.

Harry was stunned, there was electricity in their gaze and he was too entranced to break it. He was shocked that he had been able to go this long without seeing her. He reached up tentatively his hands trembling and he pulled at his mask exposing his true identity. He wiped his neck and fingered the disguise in his clammy palms. Never breaking eye contact Harry let out a timid smile and shrugged his shoulders lamely.

Time began again and tears pooled behind Hermione's eyes. She yanked her mask from her face and let it clamor to the floor. She began to walk quickly towards him and before Harry could blink she had thrown herself into his arms in one of her vice grips that had nearly knocked him flat. Her arms snaked around his neck tightly and he steadied her with his strong arms cradling her back. He held her tightly like he had never held her before and he'd be damned if he was going to let go anytime soon. Her hair tickled at his nose and he breathed in her sent reveling in the fact that she was standing in front of him. He rocked her back and forth his lips smashed to her forehead holding back tears himself and it was the two of them alone in the tent, finding a comfort with each other that nobody else could understand.

"I'm so sorry," Harry whispered into her hair quietly so nobody could hear, but her, "I'm so sorry Hermione."

She pulled back as silent tears caked her cheeks and their eyes met once again. He had changed even in six weeks. His hair was messy as usual parted slightly over his scar and he had facial hair that had been recently neatened. He looked older, wiser, and healthier than the broken boy that had apparated a mere month and a half ago and his green eyes glowed brightly into hers and she knew he was sincere by the way he stared.

"Don't ever do that to me again." She warned shakily gripping his face with her hands pressing her forehead against his forcing his eyes to remain upon hers, "Don't ever do that again."

Harry breathed out raspy response, "I won't."

To innocent bystanders it looked like two old friends reuniting. Everybody knew how close Harry, Ron and Hermione all were, even Ron watched free of suspicion and he smiled across the room at his best friend, but one person noticed something that the others didn't. Ginny Weasley watched from across the room her mouth hanging open in pure disbelief. Sure to the outsider it looked purely innocent, but Ginny saw the way that Harry looked at Hermione. She knew this because it was the same way he used to look at her. So she stared on in utter shock, trying to convince herself it was her imagination conjuring up jealous antics, but a look like that didn't lie and then she realized something. Harry Potter was in love with Hermione Granger, but more damaging than that was the fact that Harry Potter was not in love with her anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

When Harry and Hermione had broken apart he had reunited with everybody as if no time had passed at all. He'd shaken about a million hands, but the masks made it very hard for him to tell who he was talking to. The entire ordeal was a little exhausting, but Harry did it with a stoic smile on his face. It was much easier than he thought it would be and Harry was almost positive it was because Hermione hadn't left his side since their emotional reunion.

Harry shook hands with an enthusiastic wizard who had been rambling on and on and he walked away a slight twitch in his step. Harry stifled a laugh and looked down at Hermione through cheerful eyes. "You know Hermione," Harry smiled, "I'm not going to disappear."

Hermione's eyes fell slightly and she wrung her hands together glancing across the room. "You did last time."

Harry sighed deeply and rubbed his hair guilt gripping at his stomach. "I know and I'm sorry," he whispered out defeat in his voice. "I just… I don't know I didn't know what else to do."

Hermione glanced up at him through her lashes. "Where did you go?"

Harry hesitated for a few minutes breaking eye contact. Lie, lie, lie… he told himself. He couldn't possibly tell her he had been at the Forest of Dean for the last month. She would start to get suspicious and as much of a relief as it was to have her next to him he could not tell her where he had been. "I uh… I went to uh… Grimmauld Place."

Hermione looked taken aback. "You've been staying at Grimmauld Place?"

"Yeah," Harry said unconvincingly.

Hermione narrowed her eyes, "I just… I would've thought that… well… what with Sirius… I just didn't think that you would want to stay there."

Harry shrugged his shoulders, "I feel close to him there." It wasn't a total lie, Harry thought to himself. He just didn't mention that the closeness caused his throat to close up and a severe anxiety kicked in at the thought of his deceased godfather.

"How are you doing?" Hermione said quietly, her voice uncertain. "I mean I know that today is his two year anniversary."

"…Okay…" Harry replied slowly taking a sip of his butter beer. He had put his fire whiskey to rest after being discovered. The last thing he needed were rumors going around about his alcohol abuse post war.

"Are you?" Hermione asked uncertainly.

"Yeah I am," Harry nodded. "It's been hard, but I'm feeling well… okay," he smiled at the end. He wasn't going to lie and say he was great or even good, but he was stable for now.

"Okay." Hermione smiled slightly looking down. "Well you look much better."

Harry blushed slightly, "I feel better."

"So," Hermione set her glass down placing her hands on her hips with a devilish gleam in her eye. "Are you feeling good enough to ask a girl to dance?"

"What?" Harry's face changed from relaxed to panic and Hermione couldn't help, but chuckle at his boyishness.

"I said are you feeling good enough to ask a girl to dance?"

"Don't push it," Harry took a sip of his drink shaking his head.

Hermione pouted and Harry groaned letting out an awkward laugh. "I can't dance Hermione."

"Lies," Hermione sang out mockingly, "I've seen you dance. During fourth year at the Yule ball, and well…"

Harry's smile faded and he watched her through jaded eyes, "That was different."

"Why?" Hermione challenged holding out her hand. "The only difference I see is a dance floor, about 500 more people, and we both look a lot more presentable and smell a lot better than we did then."

Harry continued to watch her. She had a gleam in her eyes that he had missed so much in the last few weeks. A devilish rebellion that was so subtle that he couldn't help, but be enticed by her so fully and completely. If it had been anyone else he would have refused, but reluctantly he sighed and pulled his black jacket from his shoulders. He glared at her and she smiled back at him playfully. He rolled up his cuffs to his elbows and grasped her hand firmly and allowed her to lead him to the dance floor.

A slow ballad had started and he and Hermione settled around several other couples dancing slowly the atmosphere peaceful. "Well," Harry mumbled under his breath. "If we are going to do this we are going to do this right." He placed a hand behind his back and bowed slightly one leg in front of the other holding out his hand for Hermione to take. "May I have this dance?"

Hermione took his hand with a toothy grin. "Always."

They were transported back in time. To a time where everything was uncertain, where danger lurked around every corner and where death smelled strongly in the air. The only certainty that Harry had known during those few months was Hermione and here they were three months later doing exactly what they had been doing that night, dancing, and being kids that they had never gotten to be. This dance was different though. Slower yes, but there was a different feeling between the two of them and neither could put their finger on it, but they danced all the same as Hermione rested her head on Harry's shoulder losing themselves in the moment.

"I never did say thank you." Hermione murmured against his shoulder as they continued to dance.

"For what?" Harry looked puzzled.

She pulled back and locked eyes, "For that night in the tent. For well, dancing with me. I was so wrapped up in an absentee Ron and I had the horcrux on and you just, made everything better."

"How?" Harry breathed out at a loss for words. What could she possibly owe him a thank you for?

"You reminded me that it was okay to laugh, that we were allowed to smile, and that no matter what everything would be okay. You just helped me. I don't know how I would've made it through that night without you."

"Hermione," Harry replied, "I'm the one who owes you a thank you. You sacrificed everything for-"

"Harry," Hermione cut him off smiling knowingly. "For once could you just say you're welcome?"

Harry laughed out loud for what seemed like the first time in months and reluctantly muttered something along the lines of you're welcome.

"What was that?" Hermione gripped his neck tightly forcing his eyes to meet hers. "I didn't quite hear that."

"I think you did," Harry grinned madly down at her and Hermione's smile faded slowly as she stared into his eyes. "What?" Harry chuckled nervously, "is there something in my teeth?"

Hermione chuckled slowly and the two stopped dancing. "I haven't seen you smile like that in years."

Harry chewed his lip nervously and dropped his hands from her waist. Reality, reality, reality, it was amazing how quickly she could distort his thoughts. Hermione Granger is dating Ronald Weasley, he repeated to himself in his mind. Ronald Weasley is your best friend; you were dating his sister some odd months ago. Hermione is just your friend. God reality sucks sometimes.

"What is it?" Hermione questioned tilting her head to the left.

Harry shrugged stupidly at a loss for words like he was so many times before and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I was just going to suggest that I turn you over to Ron, you can make him look like a fool for a few songs. I figured myself that I would… go… find… Ginny…" The words left his lips faster than he could think and he wanted to slap himself hard across the cheek.

Hermione turned her head towards Ron who was standing grimacing down at his mother who was repeatedly fiddling with his tie. He looked up and smiled at Hermione a pleading look plastered on his face.

As Hermione watched her boyfriend chuckling Harry watched Ron as well, but he wasn't laughing along with Hermione. He had never seen Ron look happier. The way he looked at Hermione was the way that Harry looked at her. As if she was untouchable. Guilt flooded Harry's stomach as he watched his two friends stare at each other across the room and he took a few steps backwards fleeing the scene as inconspicuously as possible. He would let them be happy, he thought simply to himself. They deserved it. Harry stood awkwardly at the bar for a few minutes drinking a butter beer Hermione's absence creating an unfamiliar anxiety in him. He tried to keep his eyes off of his best friends laughing and dancing the night away, but every so often he would glance over and the pit would settle again.

He was grateful when Professor McGonagall's voice blared loudly over the crowd and the hall became quiet rather quickly. At least this way the two of them would stop bloody smiling at each other thought Harry.

"Welcome, welcome… to the Rebirth of the Phoenix Masked Ball. It is my pleasure and honor to be a part of such a lovely evening and I thank everyone for attending," McGonagall spoke clearly over the hundreds of people.

Applause and cheers erupted among the guests and Harry clapped half-heartedly, as grateful a he was as the fact that he got to see Hermione, he still thought it was a stupid idea.

"Now," continued McGonagall, "I don't want to take away from the rest of the night with speeches and blubbering on, but I want to take a moment to recognize why we are here. Tonight we pay a tribute to the lives lost. Let their spirits live on in this castle forever and let their duty to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry never be forgotten. I know we are all grieving, but tonight is about rebirth, second chances, and a new beginning, but it doesn't mean that we will ever forget the loved ones that fell here not a mere two months ago…"

The hall was silent and McGonagall continued a solid strength in her voice.

"I know that there were many among us who passed away that fateful day not too long ago, but I want to recognize somebody very important…" she paused almost nervously and Harry stood curious about what was to happen next. "On June 18th two years ago, we lost somebody very important in the fall of the dark lord. Two years ago Sirius Black was taken from us."

Harry's jaw dropped, this was the last thing on earth he was expecting to happen and a lump formed in his throat at the mention of his godfather. Hermione and Ron broke apart and both turned their heads fearful for Harry's reaction. They knew how defensive he would get over Sirius.

"Sirius Black was a devoted member to the Order of the Phoenix. I want to correct any speculation or misjudgments that may be circulating amongst us. Sirius Black was murdered protecting and fighting for us. He was framed by another for betrayal and murder. He is and will forever be a hero in our eyes who lived thirteen years a prisoner for a crime he did not commit. So tonight I want to raise a glass and remember and honor the memory of Sirius Black… may he rest in peace."

Harry was stunned. All he ever wanted for his godfather was his name to be cleared and finally after all this time… it was, just like that. He stood stiffly his knuckles white on his glass. He drew a breath fighting back tears. Looking around the room he realized that all eyes were on him and he swallowed the lump in his throat and raised his glass in the air, "To Sirius," he muttered shakily his fingers clenched like a vice around the glass that trembled in his hands.

"To Sirius," he heard another voice chime in across the room and he shifted his eyes to see Hermione her own glass raised high as well. Her face was calm and she watched Harry with a small smile. If anybody knew how much this meant to Harry it was her and Harry returned the smile sadly allowing a spare tear to cascade down his cheek.

Just like clockwork the entire gala of people held up their glasses and the words, "To Sirius," jumbled together amongst the voices. Harry wasn't paying attention to the guests though, his eyes were glued to Hermione and he mouthed a thank you across the room to her his eyes shining with unshed tears. For the first time in what seemed like years Harry felt pure happiness. It was the only thing that he had ever wanted for Sirius's memory and now he had it. For the first time in a long time Harry felt content with the passing of his godfather. For the first time Harry felt like Sirius was truly at peace.

He let out a choke of a laugh and realized now that he was shaking rather madly, he set his drink down on the table next to him and tried to steady his trembling hands. He jammed his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat rather noisily. It hadn't even occurred to him how overwhelming this entire situation might be, he wiped at his brow nervously and darted for the great hall doors anxiety etched all over his face. Slipping out unnoticed by all the hustle and bustle among the guests he immediately followed the familiar route towards the astronomy tower. He knew it would be deserted and he needed to compose himself. After a few brisk minutes of climbing he reached the trap door and pushed through to his solace. Immediately his heart rate slowed and he greeted the night air with a deep and steady intake of breath.

He leaned his elbows against the railing and stared out at the sky in front of him. It was a beautiful night, not a cloud in sight and the stars shined brightly over the mountains, the half-moon reflecting across the rippling water of the lake. He couldn't believe that after seventeen years Sirius's name had finally been cleared, it seemed surreal to him and Harry deeply sighed out relief his thoughts clouding him as he pulled at his tie.

"Seventeen years," Harry mumbled to himself failing to hear the light pitter patter on the stairs behind him. "Seventeen years and you're finally free."

"I had a bet going with George," a voice startled him from his day dreams, "of who would keep their tie on the longest without touching it. Ron lost, but I knew you wouldn't last long after him."

"Hermione," Harry had jumped nearly a foot in the air, "You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry," she chuckled out lightly stepping forward to join him. She held up her hands which held her high heels. "I never was one for heals." She stared out at the lake her hands dangling over the railing. Harry watched her curiously from the corner of his eye and his breath hitched in his throat. Her eyes glowed softly against the starry expanse of sky and her hair caught the moonlight as it fell off her shoulder pooling around her chest in golden waves. Harry didn't know how he could have missed it for the last seven years. Her beauty was the most obvious thing on the planet, her eyes, her skin, her lips, everything about her unhinged him. Their dance tonight proved that. For in a matter of minutes he had forgotten about everything and anything that wasn't Hermione.

"What are you doing up here Harry?" Hermione asked averting her eyes to his. It was an accusation, or even a question really, more of a statement.

"Letting go," Harry said simply turning to face her, "Hermione, what you did in there-"

"Was nothing you wouldn't have done for me," she cut him off quickly shaking her head.

"Thank you," Harry whispered quietly his eyes shining with sincerity his hair windblown from the night breeze.

Hermione felt odd under his gaze and she averted her eyes to the lake once again. "It's amazing how different you look." She sounded in awe herself.

"What do you mean?" Harry raised his eyebrows, "Is it the beard or the black? I feel a bit like Malfoy."

Hermione stifled a laugh, "No, although it is a bit odd to see you with facial hair. You just look… I don't know, different to me."

"You look different too," Harry murmured shyly, "in a good way."

"Ron still looks the same," Hermione shook her head, "still that mop of red hair and goofy smile."

Harry's heart sunk and he nodded reality nipping at his heels. "Yeah he does."

"Harry," Hermione started tentatively biting her lip as she turned to face him, "come home."

Harry avoided her pleading eyes, he knew if he made contact he would cave. "Hermione, I love the Weasley's, but… it's not my home and it never has been."

"Harry, you can't honestly tell me that Grimmauld Place is more of a home than the Burrow."

Harry lowered his eyes at her and gritted his teeth glaring ahead of him to nothing. "Please, Hermione, just drop it."

"Okay…" she quietly hugged her stomach watching him uncertainly and a shiver slithered up her spine.

"If I had my jacket I would give it to you," Harry mumbled distantly. He hadn't remembered where he put it since they danced and his pale arms were prickly with goose bumps from the faint breeze.

"There is a gathering tonight at the Three Broomsticks. Just a few of us, Ron, Ginny, George, Neville, Luna, maybe even Seamus or Dean. I know you don't want to come home and I won't push it, but it would mean a lot to Ron… it would mean a lot to me if you would come… just for an hour or two. I won't push it, but we miss you Harry."

Harry stood deep in thought his shoulders shrugged, "Just a few people?"

"No more than ten, I promise," Hermione said hope strong in her voice, "Just drinks and laughter, as a way to unwind. Do you really want to spend the night alone on the death date of Sirius?"

Harry looked at her for the first time in minutes his eyes full of fear and sadness and there was the scared eleven year-old that Hermione remembered so well. Her heart melted and she reached forward to take his hand placing the other one on his cheek. Harry's heart rate picked up and he leaned into her touch desperation pulsing through his blood. She was inches from him and his arms stood stark still at his sides afraid he wouldn't let go if he were to return her touch.

"What in the world are you so afraid of?" Hermione begged.

Harry reached up with his right hand and pushed a strand of hair from her face his inhibitions clouded with desire, "You."

"What?" Hermione dropped her hand from his cheek and stepped back and reality slapped the fog clear from Harry's mind. "You're afraid of me?"

"No, no," Harry stammered out wanting to mentally kick himself as far away from Scotland as he possibly could, "forget I said anything."

"Harry what are you talking about?" Hermione yelped confusion screaming in her eyes.

"Nothing!" Harry yelled back gripping at his hair stepping away from her.

"No!" Hermione stepped forward throwing her shoes on the ground pushing him with both hands and Harry glanced at her incredulously. "Do not shut me out! Don't lie to me Harry! What the hell are you talking about?"

Harry stood his back against the railing as he gaped at her wide eyed.

"Harry Potter!" she continued to yell at him her hands clenched at her sides. "I swear if you don't tell me what-"

She couldn't finish her sentence. Harry stepped forward so quickly it caught the both of them completely off guard. Harry grabbed her face with his hands and smashed his lips against hers cutting her off mid-sentence. Her hands fell limp at her side and Harry firmly pressed his lips to hers an unbridled passion churning in his stomach. It lasted a few seconds, but to Harry it felt like a lifetime and it took everything in him to pull away. He dropped his hands from her face and gently pushed backwards stumbling over his feet her turned to the railing and grasped it with both hands his breathing erratic. Harry Potter had just kissed Hermione Granger.

Breathing was all that could be heard in the astronomy tower, heavy, off beat breathing. A line had just been crossed, a forbidden sensation that could never be taken back and Harry Potter and Hermione Granger stood feet apart looking at each other with wide and fearful eyes. There was a deadly silence in the air and the tension stood like a brick wall between the two teens.

"What just happened?" Hermione spoke barely a whisper her lips parted and eyes glassy.

Harry couldn't speak his heart beat pounding in his ears. He was looking at her through vulnerable, honest eyes and he couldn't come up with the right words to speak. So he just stood staring at her.

Hermione turned on her heal and covered her hand to her forehead her cheeks flushed a deep crimson. "What was that?" she muttered against her fingers as she pressed them to her lips.

It was like a trap had been placed over Harry's vocal chords, he wanted to speak, but he couldn't think of the words. He knew one thing and one thing only. He had to leave. Being with Hermione alone was dangerous, that much had been proven. So he darted for the stairs and quickly began to shuffle down them cursing himself for being such a coward with every step.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Harry and Hermione had drifted through the rest of the ball both of their minds elsewhere. The only reason Harry hadn't disappeared right after the incident was because he had promised Hermione he wouldn't vanish again. He lurked in the shadows standing as far away from her as possible mentally cursing himself for what had happened. He had lost control and his secret was no longer so secretive.

Hermione couldn't quite wrap her head around what had happened spent the rest of the celebration pretending to engage in a conversation with Ron and Ginny and when the time came to leave and go to the three broomsticks she shook her head and murmured something about being tired and decided to return to the Burrow alone to collect her thoughts.

Harry had managed to hide for the remainder of the evening, but not before Molly Weasley had cornered him insisting that he return to the Burrow at once. Harry politely tried to decline, but Mrs. Weasley was persistent as ever and finally Harry caved compromising on a small gathering in a few weeks for his birthday.

"Would you at least do me one small favor before you head back to Grimmauld Place dear?" Molly asked Harry towards the end of the night.

"Anything Mrs. Weasley," he responded sincerely.

"Please, would you escort Hermione back to the burrow? I think all the excitement has exhausted her."

Harry's throat constricted and before he could even utter a response Molly was already motioning Hermione over from across the room. "Hermione dear," she called, "Harry here has agreed to accompany you back to the burrow. Now I know you are perfectly capable, but it would make me feel much better if you went together. Who knows maybe you'll even get him to stay the night."

Harry nearly choked on his tongue and he cleared his throat awkwardly as Hermione avoided his gaze her eyes jaded and suspicious. "Travel safe you two…" she murmured kissing both of them on the cheek. "Are you sure you don't want to join us?"

"I'm uh really tired…" Harry swallowed dryly scratching at his neck, "and I have to go home and feed Kreacher."

Even Hermione looked at him with a puzzled expression for she had never heard a lamer excuse.

"Well even so," Mrs. Weasley pursed her lips. "I will be seeing you on the 31st am I correct?"

"Yes ma'am," Harry nodded as he bid her farewell and Hermione waved goodnight.

The walk to Hogsmeade was beyond awkward and Harry didn't even bother looking up from the ground as he followed Hermione at a far distance making sure to keep some space between them. She stood feet in front of him shoulders hunched and her arms crossed defensively over her chest and she too was having a staring contest with her feet.

After what seemed like hours the pair reached the edge of the Hogwarts grounds. Harry stopped behind Hermione and nervously pulled at his black tie. The tension could be cut with a knife as they both avoided eye contact unsure of what to say to the other.

"Harry," Hermione finally spoke breaking the heavy silence. "What was that tonight?"

Harry raised his eyes to meet hers and he shrugged his shoulders opening his mouth struggling to find the words. "I… don't… know."

"Do you… do you… like me?" she asked uncertainty and fear swimming in her eyes. It sounded so odd coming out of her mouth directed at Harry.

Harry did something strange. He laughed at the top of his lungs and buckled over gripping at his stomach.

"What the hell is so funny?" Hermione was beyond confused and she watched in awe as her best friend doubled over in hysterics as she stood trying not to cry. "Harry!"

"I'm sorry," Harry chuckled out catching his breath, "It just sounds so stupid and simple when you put it like that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Harry replied seriously, "forget I said anything."

"Harry… you… you kissed me! Why?" she asked flailing her arms in the air, "I've been trying to wrap my head around it all night; it had to be a mistake… right?"

"Yes," Harry chortled out almost bitterly, he didn't know what was coming over him, but he toed at the ground his hands deep in his pockets, "It was just a mistake."

"So you don't like me?" Hermione clenched her jaw line tight willing the answers from him. How she wished she had some veritaserum right now and she watched his face change as he gritted his teeth.

"No Hermione I don't like you," Harry said honestly. He didn't like Hermione; he was in love with her.

"Then why did you kiss me?" she screamed at the top of her lungs running her fingers through her hair in frustration.

"What do you want me to say?" Harry yelled back, "honestly Hermione are you that unperceptive?"

"What are you talking about?" Hermione spat out a fire glowing in her eyes.

"Are you that blind?" Harry mumbled quietly pressing his fingers to his temples. "How do you not know?"

"Know what?" Hermione murmured helplessly her eyes shining with tears.

Harry bit his bottom lip and stepped forward grasping her shoulders with his fingers firmly. The familiar pull of the tunnel of apparation surrounded the both of them and Hermione gripped the front of Harry's vest tightly caught off guard by the gesture. In a matter of seconds the crackling subsided and they both landed feet apart in a familiar patch of forest.

Hermione looked around curiously her mouth hanging open. They were far from Hogwarts that was for sure. She recognized the place immediately and she glanced around at the large oak trees that stood strongly against the shadowy night. It was the Forest of Dean and a lump formed in her throat as she pictured her parents. She spun around her hair whipping in the breeze and she was met with the anxious gaze of Harry. "What are we doing here?"

Harry breathed out in exasperation trying to catch his breath, "I lied to you, I haven't been staying at Grimmauld Place. I've been here." He motioned with his hand to the campsite that Hermione had failed to notice. The tent was there, along with a fire pit, and a clothesline hanging between two branches.

Déjà vu screamed in Hermione's mind as she looked around in shock her eyes and mouth hanging open in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because," Harry hesitated, "it's the place I feel closest to you."

There was a moment hanging in the air that night. A moment of honesty and vulnerability shared between two people who were so utterly familiar with one another, but at the same time were facing something completely unknown. They were facing each other like they had so many months prior. There was a moment after the dance they had shared in the tent. Hermione had been inches from Harry, and they had let the moment pass without mention. Now, months later they stood in the same forest with the same moment hanging in the air. Harry didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he didn't allow the moment to pass this time.

He grabbed Hermione by the waist and pulled her towards him, his eyes were hungry with desire and he smashed his lips against hers holding her tightly against his chest.

Hermione wasn't thinking clearly and was caught off guard as Harry assaulted her lips with his own. She didn't understand the strange new sensation and she pawed at Harry's chest, her mind telling her to stop, but her body telling her otherwise. She wasn't even aware that she started to respond to his kiss and pretty soon she had reached up and snaked her arms tightly around his neck deepening the kiss as they both let go of inhibitions and found an unbridled pleasure within the other. Harry stumbled forward not breaking the kiss and he slammed her against a nearby oak tree his hands exploring her back and stomach while she grasped his neck tightly with her own. Harry broke apart for a split second to reach up and discard his glasses onto the ground and he captured her lips just as he had before as she struggled to catch her breath against his mouth a light murmur escaping from her throat. She yanked at his tie with her fingers and yanked his vest open trying to undo the buttons of his dress shirt with shaking hands. Hermione had never felt anything like what she was feeling and the desire in stomach was clouding her logic. Harry shrugged out of his jacket and vest as he grasped her by thighs and in one swift motion had pulled up her dress to her waist and hoisted her up against the tree his body supporting hers as she snaked her legs tightly around his middle.

Hermione didn't know what this was, what she was feeling, or what was going to happen and a large part of her didn't seem to care as she attacked Harry hungrily with her lips running her hands through his thick brown hair scraping at his scalp sending shivers up his spine.

Harry groaned into her mouth and he bit her lip as he pulled back to look her in the eyes. He had to know if this was really happening. He abruptly broke the kiss and pressed his forehead up against hers staring deep into her eyes. They stayed like that for a few seconds and with the absence of the feverish kissing logic slowly crept its way back into Hermione's head. She pushed her hands against Harry's shoulders and he stepped back lowering her to the ground his expression puzzled.

"What are we doing?" Hermione gasped out tears pooling in her eyes, "what is this?"

Harry's voice was full of overwhelming fear and he ran a hand through his already tangled hair. "I don't know."

Ron's smiling face popped into both of their heads and a sickness like no other flooded Harry's gut and nausea set in. He couldn't help it as bile rose up in his throat and he retreated to behind the oak tree spilling out the alcohol from earlier in the night. How could he be so stupid?

Hermione hunched her body against the tree the tears freely falling down her cheeks as she trembled shivering with the absence of Harry. She had not only just kissed somebody that wasn't Ron, but she had kissed Harry. Guilt was ringing in her ears as she pressed a hand over her mouth muffling her sobs that wracked her petit frame.

Something had just changed. An invisible line that had been crossed earlier in the night by Harry had now just been erased completely by both and they collapsed against opposite sides of the tree wondering what was held in store. Harry listened helplessly as he heard Hermione's muted cries from a few yards away and he bit his lip and held back the tears that threatened to spill from his blurry eyes and he wasn't surprised in the least when the familiar crack of apparation filled the air a few moments later and the girl he had just been feverishly kissing minutes before had disappeared as fast as he had six weeks prior.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Three days had passed since the ball, and they had been the longest, foggiest days of Hermione's life. It was Tuesday morning and Hermione had woken from a restless sleep full of strange and unfamiliar dreams filled with forbidden desires. She couldn't figure out what she was feeling. Every time she closed her eyes she saw two green staring back at her. She had been snogging Ron the night before and in the middle of a heated make out session had pulled back and asked him if he had shaved recently. Ron had looked at her puzzled and chuckled insisting he couldn't even grow a beard yet and she had wanted to curse herself right then and there. The absence of the stubbly hairs scraping at her chin was constantly toying with her mind and she caught herself craving the strange sensation. Of course she knew she didn't just want to kiss somebody with a beard, that would be strange and quite an odd fetish, but she knew something wasn't right, for in the last three days there was never a moment when Harry Potter was far from her mind.

She stared out the window of Ginny's room as she listened to her friend breathe steadily and she glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. It was a few minutes before seven and the sun was barely peeking over the horizon.

She sighed deeply as she ran a hand through her morning hair tied back into a messy ponytail. She didn't understand what was going on and her mind had never been so scrambled in her life. Hermione liked order, she liked to know everything, be sure of everything, and as of three days ago Harry Potter had flipped her world upside down. It wasn't just the fact that Harry had kissed her, it was the fact that she had kissed him back… or rather attacked him back.

She knew she needed to talk to Harry and she knew she needed to do it before the Weasley household awoke. So she swallowed her fear and anxiety and quietly dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a light sweatshirt and before she could convince herself otherwise she cleared her mind and disappeared from Ginny Weasley's room.

The Forest of Dean was eerily familiar and the memory of that night screamed at her as she appeared in the dim light of the morning. She had apparated a few hundred yards from where Harry was. She wanted to compose herself before she confronted him and her stomach churned with every step she took towards the camp. The tent got bigger and bigger and she walked briskly hugging her chest. It was odd being here during the summer. The last time the trees had been bare and there were leaves crunching under her feet. Now the only sound Hermione heard was her own padding against the dirt.

The campsite was quiet, the faint remains of the fire crackled in the stones and the tent was still with silence. A pair of beat up black trainers sat neatly outside the tent and a pair of jeans and a few flannels were hanging from the clothesline strung up between two low hanging branches. She felt almost intrusive as she walked quietly around the campsite and she absent mindedly reached forward and pulled at the sleeve of one of his shirts. She pressed her nose in the fabric and inhaled the rich scent of mint and burning firewood. The smell comforted her as it had become so familiar in the months she had spent in the woods with Harry and Ron, but she had never identified the smell with Harry, until now.

She pulled back and bit her lip nervously as she tip toed towards the tent. The anticipation was killing her and she cleared her throat quietly as she breathed out softly, "Harry?"

There was no response and again tentatively she called, "Harry?"

The tent stay still and quiet and she wondered how heavily he could be sleeping. She pulled back the flap and was transported back in time and the familiarity stunned her for a minute. She understood why Harry had been staying here. This tent was the only safety that they had known during those months of unease. And to go back to the Burrow or Grimmauld Place and just pick up where they had left off, it was impossible. She finally realized how he was feeling. Harry had thought he was going to die, prepared for it, and embraced it selflessly. He had said his goodbyes and prepared for the end, but the ending never came. Instead he was bombarded with this new beginning and no real understanding of how to handle it.

She stepped forward and allowed flap to sway shut behind her. She slowly inched forward taking in her surroundings. There was the table, the chairs, that bloody radio that Ron had listened to obsessively every night and the place actually felt strange without the static in the background. The beds were all the same, two done up and one empty, the blanket s scattered and she realized that Harry wasn't here. She sat down on the edge of his bed and opened an album that was stuffed loosely under the pillow. There was a picture of his parents, dancing happily, a picture of Sirius a devilish gleam in his dark eyes, and various ones of Harry and his family as a baby. As she flipped through the pages a small snapshot fell from the back of the book and she picked it up off the wooden landing and her breath caught in her throat. It was a picture of her from sixth year and she was laughing clutching her stomach. She looked at the picture and sighed sticking it back in the album placing it neatly under the pillow.

A sudden sound of footsteps made her heart skip a few beats and she panicked recklessly grabbing Harry's invisibility cloak off the nearby countertop she flung it around her just as the flap to the tent opened.

Harry had woken with the dawn and immediately felt unease. It had been three days since that night and his sleeps had been as restless as ever his mind filled with a guilty conscience. He hadn't even bothered to put his glasses on and he headed down to the river for a morning swim and he shivered slightly as he prodded the flowing water with his toe. He peeled off his t-shirt and jeans and allowed the water to consume him as he dove off a large rock into the steady stream. He shook his hair as he surfaced and stretched his arms over his head as the cool water relaxed his knotted muscles.

It had been a strange few days for Harry and he had been grateful for the solitude of the forest for it would have been torturous to have been within 40 feet of Hermione.

He had kissed her… and then only hours later not only he had kissed her again, but she had kissed him back. Hermione Granger had wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him furiously, and he had loved it. Harry had loved every second of it. For the first time in that moment he had felt truly… right. But Harry hated himself for loving it. He hated himself for craving her and needing her so much. Not only was she his best friend, but Ron had been in love with Hermione for years. She was all Ron had talked about at Hogwarts the only thing that he had wanted that Harry didn't have, and now Ron had her. Now the one thing Ron had that Harry didn't was the only thing he wanted. He would give up everything, if it promised Hermione, and that feeling terrified him.

Harry knew it wasn't supposed to be this way. In the fairy tale ending of his life it would've been Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny till death do them part. Both couples would've both grown up, gotten married had beautiful families and met at Platform 9 ¾ every year to send their vivacious children off to Hogwarts. It made perfect sense, but at the same time in a fairy tale ending Fred wouldn't have died, Sirius would still be here, and Voldemort would've disappeared seventeen years ago.

Harry sighed wiping his face and reached for the nearby towel hanging on a tree limb. He quickly dried himself and pulled on his jeans for the walk back to the tent. The last thing he wanted was to be found naked by some perverted snatcher lingering in the forest, or be seen by some muggle.

Hermione held her breath her heart beating in her head as Harry slid through the flap of the tent. What the hell was she thinking coming here? Sure she had fully intended on confronting him, but now she was standing like a pathetic coward under and invisibility cloak trying not to breathe.

She watched as he walked across the tent into the foyer scratching his head yawning, it was strange to her, staring at him as he didn't know she was here, thinking he was alone and she wondered how many times he had watched her from behind the cloak. It surprised her how attractive she found him, there was a stoic solitude about him and she didn't know why, but it intrigued her. She swallowed dryly as he reached up to pull on a t-shirt and his lean back muscles rippled with the motion sending a shiver down her spine, and she scolded herself wondering how on earth she ever missed it.

She continued to stare as he dressed and put his glasses on, brushed his teeth in the nearby basin, attempted to comb through his hair with his fingers giving up after a few minutes. She was fascinated. She had known Harry Potter for almost eight years and all she could think about was how she wanted to know him, or know him better at that. She wanted to figure out what had happened in the tent those nights so many months ago. What had happened during those weeks that they were alone, what had changed?

His next action made her stomach knot up. Harry reached under his pillow pulling out his photo album and skimmed through the pages skipping quickly over Sirius and his parents. He stopped on the page Hermione had been at not some odd minutes ago and pulled out the snapshot of her. He held it gently in his coarse fingers and after a minute of looking at it he shoved it in his back pocket exiting the tent.

Hermione stumbled backwards into a nearby chair and pulled the robe off of her. Talking to Harry had seemed like such a good idea this morning, and now she knew she would choke if she came face to face with him. So when she heard the crack of apparation fill the air a moment later a feeling of relief and disappointment flooded over her and she stumbled out of the tent knowing there would be nobody there to greet her. Once again the question hung in the air, where had Harry Potter gone?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The ground connected hard with the souls of Harry's black trainers and he stumbled a bit as he began a brisk pace down an unfamiliar dirt road. It was barely nine in the morning and the sun was hanging low in the sky, dew still fresh from the night before. Although he had never traveled this route before he somehow knew exactly where he was going as soon as the cottage came into view a hundred yards ahead. It was a beautiful brick house nestled in the valley of a vibrant green meadow. A large willow tree stood lazily to the left of the house casting a shadow across the lawn. Harry could see a swing hanging from one of the thicker branches and he smiled slightly for a second. He could imagine Remus and Tonks sitting arm in arm as a beautiful little boy ran in circles, the sounds of joyous laughter echoing with the sunset. But his vision faded just as quickly as it had appeared and he trudged towards the house his shoulders sloping forward.

He awkwardly climbed the steps, uncertainty clear on his face. He noticed now that the screen door was open and a voice greeted him before he could think any further.

"Ah! Harry, we were wondering when you would show up!" Andromeda Tonks opened the door and ushered Harry inside.

"We?" Harry questioned nervously, he wasn't in the mood for any surprise confrontations.

"Me and your godson of course," she slyly remarked with an all knowing smile and Harry visibly relaxed.

"I apologize for showing up unannounced-"

"Harry, I'm going to say this once," Andromeda suddenly became stern, "you are welcome whenever you would please."

Harry smiled shyly and scratched his beard. "Thank you. I'm sorry I haven't stopped by sooner."

"Well you're here now," Andromeda stated simply. Harry hadn't really noticed her at the funeral, she had kind eyes and strangely enough didn't really resemble her sisters Bellatrix or Narcissa in any way. Maybe it was her greying hair tied back into a neat bun or just her motherly demeanor, but Harry immediately felt at ease in her presence.

He followed after her into the kitchen and looked around eagerly, "Where is Ted?"

"Sleeping," she murmured softly pointing to the other room. "He's a wonderful sleeper. Must get it from his father, Nymphadora was a terrible sleeper, kept me up for all hours of the night she did."

Harry's eyes softened, "Ma'am I am truly sorry for your loss, if there is anything you need."

Andromeda laughed catching Harry off guard, "Ma'am! Nobody has ever called me ma'am. Harry please call me Dromeda. I appreciate the condolences, but while I lost my daughter I gained a son and I get to see her every day through Teddy and that is more than I could ever ask for."

Harry smiled sadly rocking back onto his heals. "Do you mind if I sit with him for a little while? I won't wake him up or anything."

"Go right ahead dear," she ushered him towards the bedroom. "I'll whip up some breakfast and then we'll wake him up."

Harry padded softly into the bedroom and walked quietly over to the bassinet. He peered over the edge. "You're so big," he whispered softly to himself. He sat down quietly not moving his glance from the beautiful sleeping baby. He looked so fragile and Harry watched tentatively with wide emerald eyes. He had never seen anything so perfect in his life and he felt a wave of calm wash over him.

He leaned back in the chair without lifting his gaze. "You look just like your Dad," Harry murmured under his breath. He wasn't sure if he was talking to himself or to Teddy, but he continued. "Your parents were brilliant. I met your Dad first, he was one of my favorite people. I met your Mum a few years later, she caught me off guard at first, but she had the biggest heart of anybody I've ever known." Harry paused and leaned closer to the sleeping boy. "You know," he started shakily, "they loved you, they loved you so much and they gave up their lives so that other people could live. They were brilliant, and I want you to know that. I couldn't save them," Harry choked out fighting back silent tears, "but I promise you that I will protect you. I will protect you no matter what." Harry sniffed back the tears composing himself and he reached down brushing his hand softly over the little boys bald head savoring the simplicity of this moment wishing he could sit here forever watching over him in a peaceful slumber.

The day passed lazily for Harry and Andromeda, he had ended up having a quite enjoyable breakfast with her before she had woken baby Ted for his own meal which looked far less appetizing than the pancakes and eggs he had eaten. Harry had watched Ted with fascination all morning. Andromeda had taught him how to feed him, burp him, hold him, and Harry's least favorite part change him, but other than that he hadn't felt this useful in a long time.

So as twelve o' clock hit Harry was sitting in the wooden swing with baby Teddy wrapped protectively in his embrace as the shade of the willow protected both of them from the sun.

Andromeda watched with glassy eyes through the screen door. She had seen Harry's spirits lift considerably throughout the day and it broke her heart to think of what that poor boy had been through the past seven years.

A sound in her fireplace jolted her back to the present and she turned her head curiously towards the hearth.

"Mrs. Tonks?" a familiar voice spoke and Ginny Weasley popped her head out of the fireplace.

A smile broke across Andromeda's face and she clapped her hands together embracing the red headed girl. "Ginny dear! What brings you out here?"

"My mum sent me," Ginny remarked pleasantly. "She wanted to invite you and Ted to dinner this evening. I'm sure she would've come herself, but I was hoping to steal a few minutes with him myself before he is smothered by Mum, she loves babies."

"Well I would love to, but I'm afraid Teddy's a bit taken right now." Andromeda remarked pointing out the window.

"Oh?" Ginny curiously stepped forward and looked across the lawn. Her heart nearly pounded out of her chest when she saw Harry. She was surprised she recognized him. He looked so… relaxed, the way he cradled the little bundle, the way his eyes were shining, it reminded her of the boy she had known years ago and she stared at him longingly through the screen.

Andromeda watched the girl's expression change as soon as she saw Harry. "Your mother mentioned that you two dated, was it serious?"

"I thought it was." Ginny remarked sadly, more to herself than directed at Andromeda. She stepped back from the screen door and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, seeing Harry had caught her off guard and every single feeling she had tried to bury for the past few months came charging back at her.

"I'm sorry sweetheart." Andromeda murmured rubbing comforting circles on Ginny's back.

The screen door clanging shut caught both of them off guard, "Hey Dromeda," Harry vivaciously remarked grinning toothily down at Ted. "I think he's hungry again. Do you mind if I feed him again?" He raised his eyes and was shocked to see not one, but two people sitting wide eyed in the kitchen. "Ginny?" his voice fell an octave.

"Hi Harry," Ginny muttered sadly at the way he had greeted her.

"Well," Andromeda muttered nervously pulling Ted from Harry's arms. She could cut the tension between the teens with a knife. "Why don't you two catch up and I'll go feed Teddy… upstairs…" She couldn't have disappeared faster if she had apparated and Harry would have been amused if he wasn't so shell shocked.

Ginny stared dejectedly at an invisible spot on the table and Harry wrung his hands together unsure of where to put them and a strange silence settled between the two of them both tentative to break the silence.

"Don't look so thrilled to see me."

Harry's heart fell and he sighed striding towards the seat in front of her. "I'm sorry," he shifted his glasses on his nose, "I was just caught off guard. It is always good to see you Gin."

Ginny glanced up with accusatory eyes, the piercing blue unnerving him to honesty.

"Okay, if it makes you feel any better I don't really want to see anybody these days…"

"Oh yeah," she scoffed crossing her arms across her chest, "that makes me feel loads better."

Harry shifted uncomfortably, "How are you?" he remarked changing the subject.

"Fine."

"That's good," Harry responded dumbly, even he realized he sounded like a moron. As he waited for her to ask him how he was doing he realized that she wasn't in the mood to exchange pleasantries. "How is Ron?"

"Fine."

"Is everybody fine," he shot sharply starting to get irritated with how stubborn she could be.

"I guess so," an edge cutting in her voice.

"Wow three whole words," Harry mumbled standing up from the table and walking over to the kitchen sink pulling at his hair in frustration. "Look Ginny I'm sorry for the way I reacted, but I wasn't expecting to see you and it caught me off guard. I'm not a big fan of surprises these days and I'm sorry."

"You're lying," Ginny cut into him again.

"What are you-"

She cut him off, "You've never been a fan of surprises," a hint of a smile played at her lips.

Harry smiled rolling his eyes and he shook his head in exasperation leaning against the sink.

"So Harry," Ginny leaned back in her chair assessing him up and down. "How are you?"

Harry was tempted to say fine, but decided to cut the pathetic battle that could go on for hours with the two of them. He contemplated the question for a few seconds. "Honestly?" He asked sheepishly, "I think I'm pretty crazy. I spent the day talking to a baby."

Ginny couldn't help, but giggle slightly and Harry grinned back at her fondly the tension fading for a moment. Harry had missed her company whether he had realized it or not. He had been very close with Ginny and he had loved her a lot and he knew that she loved him, maybe she still did, maybe she always would. The guilt that came from not being able to return her feelings killed him and he wished that he could take back everything if it would mend her broken heart.

"There it was," Ginny muttered sadly her eyes boring into his and the air between them shifted again.

"What?" Harry whispered quietly.

"That look," she broke their gaze and swallowed dryly, "for a second."

"What look?"

"The way you used to look at me. I saw it for a second again."

Harry's heart sank deep into his chest and he crossed his arms tightly over his pectorals wishing to be anywhere else. "Ginny… I-"

"Do you know how it felt when I thought you were dead? When I saw you… limp… in Hagrid's arms, I couldn't breathe. It was like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Seeing you, thinking that I would never see your eyes again, never see you smile again, knowing that you would never hold me again. Harry in that moment I saw our future disappear in a second. Right before my eyes I saw everything I ever wanted slip away into nothing… and then you woke up."

Harry watched her with wide eyes tears threatening to spill from behind his lenses as she continued her own freely flowing.

"I was so happy that you were okay. Couldn't wait to hug you and kiss you and love you… without anything getting in the way. I saw our future again… falling even deeper in love, marriage, kids. It was all so clear, and I had been holding onto that even when you were distant, even when you broke up with me, even when you needed space and disappeared, I never gave up, until the ball. That night I saw our future disappear all over again."

"What are you talking about?" Harry pleaded breathlessly longing for answers.

Ginny looked at him finally her pale blue eyes broken and lifeless, "When I saw how you looked at Hermione."

Harry froze. That was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth and he blinked back his tears sighing deeply. "Ginny..."

"Harry!" she sobbed, "Don't lie to me! I saw the way you looked at her, it was the same way you used to look at me! Hell who am I kidding? You've never looked at me the way you looked at her!"

Harry let out a few shallow breaths and shrugged pursing his lips together, "I don't know what to say."

"Was it always her?"

Harry avoided eye contact and gritted his teeth running sweaty hands though his already unruly hair. "I don't know."

Ginny nodded wiping her pale cheeks with shaking hands.

"Ginny you need to understand." Harry pleaded, "There's no future with me."

"Yeah Harry I figured that out when I saw the way you looked at her," Ginny spat in response anger flaring up in her cheeks. "How could you do this to Ron? How could you let this happen? He's in love with her Harry!"

"You don't think I know that!" Harry raised his voice for the first time finally allowing his emotions free. "Why do you think I left? So that they could be happy! So that you could be happy eventually! I left so that I wouldn't hurt my best friends, so that I wouldn't hurt you anymore! So that I could try to figure out what normal was without everybody asking me every five minutes if I'm going to bloody break down! I didn't plan on falling in love with Hermione, but I did, and I'm sorry that it meant falling out of love with you."

Ginny placed a hand over her mouth and allowed the tears to all heavily and Harry stood by the sink watching helplessly as she cried.

"I should go," he hunched his shoulders and strode past her breathing deeply. "Please tell Andromeda that I'll be back again soon."

"Wait," Ginny managed to say in shallow breaths, "You're still coming to the Burrow for your birthday, aren't you?"

"Do you even want me there?" Harry muttered out in pure shock turning at the screen door.

"It will break my Mum's heart if you don't come." Ginny swallowed dryly and padded towards the fireplace picking up a handful of floo powder out of the pot. "And Harry, You will destroy Ron."

"I know." Harry murmured despondently and with that Ginny disappeared into a mess of green flames.


End file.
